Most of the time, the couple that plays together, stays together. Once a relationship has a commitment, people tend to quit dating—and the fun slows way down. What we then have is a variety of responsibilities and obligations—all of the things we “have to” do in order to sustain a relationship, family, home, career and […]
Imagine drawing three circles on a paper entitled “My Relationship” or “My Previous Relationships.” The three circles represent how much of the relationship consists of “me” (my needs, wants, desires, moods, demands, etc.) “you” (your moods, wishes, dreams, demands, needs, etc.) and “us” (what serves our relationship, our commitment, our future, our connection.) How much […]
Dear Neil: My boyfriend (Type A personality) and I (Type B) are on the brink of calling it quits after an 8 month long-distance relationship. Up until about 10 days ago, everything was wonderful. Truly wonderful. We had begun discussing marriage and we were both sure that we’d found “the one.” But after finding out […]
Note: This is second of a two-part series. We have this notion that our parents were born as adults. Frequently, people believe their parents were in charge of themselves when they had children, that their parents knew what they were doing—and that however they behaved around their children, they did so intentionally. If you harbor […]
Note: This is the third of a three-part series. Want a technique that will replace your anger and resentment with something more compassionate and loving? Steven Stosny in his groundbreaking book You Don’t Have To Take It Anymore (Free Press) explains how to rid yourself of anger and resentment: Access your core hurts. Our core […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Want to control your impulse to criticize or complain about your intimate partner? More importantly, would you be interested in having your partner consistently meet more of your needs, wants and desires? Try making a behavior change request, which is far more likely than complaining, criticizing […]
Dear Neil: I was surprised to read that you advised a woman who said that her husband had sexually assaulted her once, years ago, to work on forgiving her husband and losing her resentment. Like all the responsibility is hers. How about advising her to call the police? Wellington, New Zealand Dear Neil: I am […]
Dear Neil: I wonder if you would address the situation of marital rape. This happened to me many years ago (once). I am a senior now and still have not been able to put this behind me. I still resent my husband deeply, along with his many lies and deceits. He does none of these […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Here is a continuation of ways to keep the romance strong and vital in your intimate relationship: Touch. Touch is the greatest aphrodisiac that exists. It helps us to get close, feel close and stay close. If you’re not touching each other a lot, your relationship […]
As we approach Valentine’s Day this year, I would like to highlight some of the best ways to keep your relationship romantic, close, connected and hot: Learn how to nurture. When you think of nurturing a child, most people know what that means. But when you nurturing your intimate partner, many people give blank stares […]