Here are some of the most common reasons why people have a hard time finding or keeping a love relationship:
- You’re too focused on work, your children, sports or your routines. This means that you may not be carving out enough time and energy in order to focus on searching for a love relationship, or giving a relationship the high priority and effort it requires.
- You’re in a “better than nothing” relationship, which isn’t what you really want, but it’s easier than having no one. If you want better than this, you’re going to have to let go of this relationship so you’re available to find a relationship you can be proud of.
- You have low self-worth issues, and you’re insecure. You may reject, distance or criticize a partner—in essence pushing him/her away—because you’re afraid of being judged as inadequate or unacceptable. It is hard to love or accept love from another when we cannot accept ourselves.
- You have a wall around yourself, and you do not want to be seen for who you actually are. You’re emotionally detached, and you may come across to others as emotionally unavailable. You resist being vulnerable, and you tend to be self-protective, so you are prone to sabotaging a promising relationship. You may be worried your partner is going to betray or reject you, so you reject him/her first.
- You’re very judgmental, so you may very easily write-off partners that otherwise would have potential.
- You have a hard time trusting others. This may be related to poor attachment in childhood, and/or childhood abuse or neglect. Even emotional abuse as a child can lead you to not feel comfortable with letting people in, and it puts you at risk of choosing abusive or emotionally unavailable partners as an adult.
- You talk about you more than you take interest in someone else.
- You’re not focused on looking your best, and therefore you go out looking less attractive than you could.
- You’re still hurt or angry about your ex. Until you’ve made peace with that relationship and learned whatever lessons that can be taken from it, you may not be ready for someone new.
- If you had parents who did not have a good relationship, you may not know what a good relationship feels like or consists of.
- You don’t leave your comfort zone very often. This applies to emotional risks you take with someone, but it also applies to simply not leaving your home or your normal routine. You must challenge yourself to come out of your shell and open up, or no one new will get to know you.
- You’re a people pleaser, and therefore focused on what others want, but you may have no idea about what your wants and needs are. You are prone to equate pleasing others with being loved, which means you’re destined to be disappointed.
- You’re financially struggling. Other adults are looking for a partner in life, not someone they must care for.
- You are addicted to alcohol, work, sports, exercise or something else. You may be using your addiction in order to avoid intimacy.
- You have not learned to distinguish between sex and love. You think sex is love.
I honestly think that sometimes, the reason why we can’t find love is because it has been sitting under our nose all this time! Like how it happened to me. My now-husband has been my friend forever! I dated a few guys back then and he had his fair share of experiences too but we somehow didn’t seem to find the connection back then. However, when the time was finally right, the attraction started and here we are now! Reminds me a lot of a romance book I once read–https://books2read.com/u/mqzBP9. This is like my life story. Lol. It’s nice to be able to share it along with these awesome points from the amazing Neil Rosenthal.