Dear Neil: My relationship with my boyfriend of almost two years has been wonderful. We moved to Colorado from the East Coast, and he started a new job and went back to school, both about three weeks ago. Since then, everything has changed. He went from being a sweet loving and compassionate person, to someone […]
A Valentine’s Primer Here are some of the essential challenges an intimate relationships asks of us. Master these skills, and you’re well on your way to having a Happy Valentine’s Day: Build and/or expand “us.” In every troubled relationship, there tends to be a small “us” and a large “you” or “I.” The goal, therefore, […]
Note: This is the second of two-part series. Click here for part one The following is a continuation of ideas about how to deepen a relationship. Take turns talking together about your feelings, concerns, wishes and expectations regarding: How much effort do you expect each person to give to the relationship? How should it be […]
Dear Neil: How do I deepen my relationship with my boyfriend? We are in a four month relationship, and I am plagued by the feelings that this relationship is, in many regards, superficial. I don’t feel like I know him very well, and I don’t feel like we as a couple are building momentum for […]
One of the sadder experiences I have encountered as a marriage and family therapist is when a couple comes into my office with one person speaking of the relationship being over and wanting to move on—while the other person frantically declares that s/he is willing to do anything to save the relationship—and begs for one […]
Dear Neil: I would like to cure my narcissism, but I don’t know where to start. Can you help? Unsure of What To Do Dear Unsure: Let’s say your intimate partner says she isn’t feeling valued […]
Most of the time, the couple that plays together, stays together. Once a relationship has a commitment, people tend to quit dating—and the fun slows way down. What we then have is a variety of responsibilities and obligations—all of the things we “have to” do in order to sustain a relationship, family, home, career and […]
Imagine drawing three circles on a paper entitled “My Relationship” or “My Previous Relationships.” The three circles represent how much of the relationship consists of “me” (my needs, wants, desires, moods, demands, etc.) “you” (your moods, wishes, dreams, demands, needs, etc.) and “us” (what serves our relationship, our commitment, our future, our connection.) How much […]
Dear Neil: My boyfriend (Type A personality) and I (Type B) are on the brink of calling it quits after an 8 month long-distance relationship. Up until about 10 days ago, everything was wonderful. Truly wonderful. We had begun discussing marriage and we were both sure that we’d found “the one.” But after finding out […]
Note: This is second of a two-part series. We have this notion that our parents were born as adults. Frequently, people believe their parents were in charge of themselves when they had children, that their parents knew what they were doing—and that however they behaved around their children, they did so intentionally. If you harbor […]