Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Would you like to increase the closeness and intimacy between the two of you as a couple? Resolve conflicts more amicably? Get your deep-seated needs met consistently? Increase passion? Have a more intentional and conscious relationship? Try this couple’s exercise, courtesy of Harville Hendrix and Helen […]
Couple’s Communication Exercise
With couples who enter marriage therapy complaining of communication problems, I sometimes offer them communication skill-building exercises as a way for them to talk more openly with each other. One such exercise follows, courtesy of Jennifer Louden in The Couples Comfort Book (HarperCollins, San Francisco): When I think of nurturing the relationship, I think of… When […]
18 Ways to Have a Great New Year
The following are rules to live by if you desire a happy, more fulfilled life. Honor these suggestions and your New Year will be a lot happier and more satisfying: Any love, when it is ignored, not given a high enough priority or when it is treated poorly—deteriorates. Be an active participant in your intimate […]
More Steps to Forgiveness
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Here are more suggestions for letting go of your hurts and resents in order to forgive: Look at the person who offended you apart from the offense, weighing the good against the bad. When somebody hurts you, it’s normal to have negative feelings about that person. […]
How to Forgive Husband’s Betrayal
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: My husband slept with one of our business customers 18 months ago. I found out, and my life just hasn’t been the same since. I have tried to put it behind me, but I just can’t get the betrayal out of my head. To […]
Regaining a Relationship with Your Grown Children
Dear Neil: I have completely lost contact with my grown children (ages 30 to 18). Their mother and I had a nasty, acrimonious divorce, and she practiced child alienation, bad-mouthing and condemning me a great deal to them. I feel rejected by them because it feels as if they have taken their mother’s side and […]
A Couple’s Exercise to Effectively Resolve Conflict
Imagine the following scenario: Someone close to you gets in an accident and winds up with a broken nose. Her nose healed, but she remains fearful of being seen in public. She says her nose doesn’t look right, and she doesn’t want anyone to see her, so she stays home virtually all the time. You’re […]
Creating a Conscious Relationship
Have you ever wondered why some couples, over time, remain warm, connected, affectionate and close to each other, while so many other couples flounder? Want to learn their secret? Many factors go into creating a happy, long-term relationship: effective communication, the ability to resolve differences so that both partners feel valued and honored, affection, endearments, […]
The Way Around Somebody’s Defenses
Dear Neil: I am so frustrated with my husband that I’m thinking of separating from him. I don’t believe in divorce, but I’m not sure I can tolerate living with him anymore. Anything that even hints at me telling him I’m upset with him, that I don’t like something he has said or done—or, heaven […]
What Do I Do When My Boyfriend is Very Friendly With His Ex?
Dear Neil: My boyfriend (not live-in) is very friendly with his ex. They have had an off-and-on intimate relationship over the last 20 years. She sometimes comes to see him in the evening unannounced—cooks him dinner and stays late into the night. This seems disrespectful to me. The trouble is, he asked me if I […]