Let’s say you were looking to love someone—or to love someone more fully. What would you do to achieve that goal? Pamper her with jewelry? Compliment him? Romance her more? Spend more time together? Bring her flowers? Seduce him? Well, not exactly. Not that those behaviors wouldn’t be appreciated, but rather those behaviors are only […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Even lawyers aren’t always adversarial. Many lawyers will acknowledge that a successful negotiation allows both sides to walk away from the table feeling content with the outcome. But all too often, couples who can’t resolve their differences approach each other like bad lawyers. They argue their […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one Let’s say it’s been years since you and your partner have talked meaningfully about what you liked, loved, admired, respected or found attractive about each other. If that’s the case—or close to it—we can assume that, although the two of you […]
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Dear Neil: I am in my late 70’s and have been married 45 years. My wife and I have raised three children, have helped raised four grandchildren, went bankrupt, grew a successful business, and paid off our house. We have endured […]
Dear Neil: My relationship with my boyfriend of almost two years has been wonderful. We moved to Colorado from the East Coast, and he started a new job and went back to school, both about three weeks ago. Since then, everything has changed. He went from being a sweet loving and compassionate person, to someone […]
A Valentine’s Primer Here are some of the essential challenges an intimate relationships asks of us. Master these skills, and you’re well on your way to having a Happy Valentine’s Day: Build and/or expand “us.” In every troubled relationship, there tends to be a small “us” and a large “you” or “I.” The goal, therefore, […]
Note: This is the second of two-part series. Click here for part one The following is a continuation of ideas about how to deepen a relationship. Take turns talking together about your feelings, concerns, wishes and expectations regarding: How much effort do you expect each person to give to the relationship? How should it be […]
Dear Neil: How do I deepen my relationship with my boyfriend? We are in a four month relationship, and I am plagued by the feelings that this relationship is, in many regards, superficial. I don’t feel like I know him very well, and I don’t feel like we as a couple are building momentum for […]
One of the sadder experiences I have encountered as a marriage and family therapist is when a couple comes into my office with one person speaking of the relationship being over and wanting to move on—while the other person frantically declares that s/he is willing to do anything to save the relationship—and begs for one […]
Dear Neil: I would like to cure my narcissism, but I don’t know where to start. Can you help? Unsure of What To Do Dear Unsure: Let’s say your intimate partner says she isn’t feeling valued […]