Dear Neil: Our English class would be deeply indebted to you if would tell us exactly how to forgive those who have hurt us. Rarely do we receive pointers as to how to forgive. Seeking in London, Ontario Dear Seeking: The decision to forgive arises out of the desire for us to be at peace […]
“We have been married 38 years, have four children and five grandchildren,” writes a woman from Milwaukee. “Last December, I confirmed my suspicion (that my husband) had been seeing someone else. She’d just turned 40, which is three years older than our oldest daughter.” “The other woman sent me copies of photos, notes and cards that he […]
Dear Neil: I would like to cure my narcissism, but I don’t know where to start. Can you help? Unsure of What To Do Dear Unsure: Let’s say your intimate partner says she isn’t feeling valued […]
Note: This is second of a two-part series. We have this notion that our parents were born as adults. Frequently, people believe their parents were in charge of themselves when they had children, that their parents knew what they were doing—and that however they behaved around their children, they did so intentionally. If you harbor […]
Dear Neil: I was surprised to read that you advised a woman who said that her husband had sexually assaulted her once, years ago, to work on forgiving her husband and losing her resentment. Like all the responsibility is hers. How about advising her to call the police? Wellington, New Zealand Dear Neil: I am […]
Dear Neil: I wonder if you would address the situation of marital rape. This happened to me many years ago (once). I am a senior now and still have not been able to put this behind me. I still resent my husband deeply, along with his many lies and deceits. He does none of these […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Here are more suggestions for letting go of your hurts and resents in order to forgive: Look at the person who offended you apart from the offense, weighing the good against the bad. When somebody hurts you, it’s normal to have negative feelings about that person. […]
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: My husband slept with one of our business customers 18 months ago. I found out, and my life just hasn’t been the same since. I have tried to put it behind me, but I just can’t get the betrayal out of my head. To […]
Dear Neil: I think I owe my boyfriend an apology for repeatedly getting angry with him, being demanding and selfish, insulting him and generally treating him poorly. I’ve never been very good at apologizing to people—it makes me feel weak, bad and full of shame. How do I apologize to him effectively? Fearful in Vail, […]
Dear Neil: About four years ago I was working out of town. Over the two weeks I was away, my wife had a brief romantic fling. Except she lied about it, telling me they were only friends. However, the younger kids told me of a night when Mommy wasn’t home at 1:45 a.m, and they […]