Note: This is the third of a three-part series. Want a technique that will replace your anger and resentment with something more compassionate and loving? Steven Stosny in his groundbreaking book You Don’t Have To Take It Anymore (Free Press) explains how to rid yourself of anger and resentment: Access your core hurts. Our core […]
Making a Behavior Change Request
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Want to control your impulse to criticize or complain about your intimate partner? More importantly, would you be interested in having your partner consistently meet more of your needs, wants and desires? Try making a behavior change request, which is far more likely than complaining, criticizing […]
Readers Respond to Advice on Forgiving Sexual Assualt
Dear Neil: I was surprised to read that you advised a woman who said that her husband had sexually assaulted her once, years ago, to work on forgiving her husband and losing her resentment. Like all the responsibility is hers. How about advising her to call the police? Wellington, New Zealand Dear Neil: I am […]
Forgiveness Requires Letting Go Of Resentment
Dear Neil: I wonder if you would address the situation of marital rape. This happened to me many years ago (once). I am a senior now and still have not been able to put this behind me. I still resent my husband deeply, along with his many lies and deceits. He does none of these […]
Romance Requires You to Walk Your Talk
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Here is a continuation of ways to keep the romance strong and vital in your intimate relationship: Touch. Touch is the greatest aphrodisiac that exists. It helps us to get close, feel close and stay close. If you’re not touching each other a lot, your relationship […]
The Essence of Romance
As we approach Valentine’s Day this year, I would like to highlight some of the best ways to keep your relationship romantic, close, connected and hot: Learn how to nurture. When you think of nurturing a child, most people know what that means. But when you nurturing your intimate partner, many people give blank stares […]
Couple’s Exercise: Working Through The Frustrations
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Would you like to increase the closeness and intimacy between the two of you as a couple? Resolve conflicts more amicably? Get your deep-seated needs met consistently? Increase passion? Have a more intentional and conscious relationship? Try this couple’s exercise, courtesy of Harville Hendrix and Helen […]
Couple’s Communication Exercise
With couples who enter marriage therapy complaining of communication problems, I sometimes offer them communication skill-building exercises as a way for them to talk more openly with each other. One such exercise follows, courtesy of Jennifer Louden in The Couples Comfort Book (HarperCollins, San Francisco): When I think of nurturing the relationship, I think of… When […]
18 Ways to Have a Great New Year
The following are rules to live by if you desire a happy, more fulfilled life. Honor these suggestions and your New Year will be a lot happier and more satisfying: Any love, when it is ignored, not given a high enough priority or when it is treated poorly—deteriorates. Be an active participant in your intimate […]
More Steps to Forgiveness
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Here are more suggestions for letting go of your hurts and resents in order to forgive: Look at the person who offended you apart from the offense, weighing the good against the bad. When somebody hurts you, it’s normal to have negative feelings about that person. […]