Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: Recently I ended a promising relationship with a man that I had some misgivings about. He was solicitous of me: What did I want? How was I feeling? No man has ever been so attentive to my feelings or wishes, and it made me […]
How Do I Spot a Narcissist?
Dear Neil: A while back you wrote about narcissism. Your article described my ex-husband’s behavior extremely well. It was the first time I have been able to understand why he was so easily able to let our thirteen year marriage (and the children) go. My question is…how to I spot a narcissist next time before […]
Internet Pornography
X-rated porn sites, just like X-rated movies, can enhance a couple’s sex life by providing visual stimulation and an outlet for unacted upon sexual fantasies. Some women want their men to visit porn sites—the more the merrier—because those women don’t want sex with their men, and they hope that the porn sites will relieve them […]
When Your Child Emotionally Emancipates
Dear Neil: We have a thirty-four year old son who is a PhD. He’s always been a social loner, and does not socialize personally much at all. He goes tramping (hiking and camping) and on overseas holidays alone. Recently, by e-mail, he coldly and abusively said that he was fed up with our “interest” and […]
Woman Puzzled by Boyfriend’s Withdrawl
Dear Neil: I recently started seeing someone, and things were great. We talked to each other three times a week and saw each other twice a week. But over the last two weeks he has become detached and removed, and has seldom called. I have found evidence of him sleeping with someone else. What should […]
The Hamlet Syndrome Revisited: Overcoming Ambivalence
It is, in my judgment, the most pervasive reason why relationships don’t get off the ground. Or why they get sabotaged even though they appear to have hope and promise. It’s why relationships that start off with so much closeness and passion gradually grow stale, distant and cold. It is called ambivalence. Ambivalence is about […]
Overcoming Fear of Commitment
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Dear Neil: Why do men with commitment problems always seem to find me, and why am I attracted to them? Troubled in Wellington, New Zealand Dear Troubled: We choose unavailable partners—people who live geographically apart from us, people who use crisis as a substitute for intimacy, […]
Am I Commitment Phobic?
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: My intimate relationships never seem to work out long term. I fall in love, but can’t sustain the feelings over time, so I don’t stay in love—and my relationships always disintegrate. There are television sitcoms about people like me, but TV makes it appear […]
Surviving Male Midlife Crisis
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. It’s not enough to know that male midlife crisis can lead to inappropriate hostility, criticism, passive-aggressive behavior, cynicism, affairs, an unhappy marriage, family desertion, impulsive job changes, monetary loss, poor investments, low self-esteem, drug abuse and alcoholism. You have to also know what to do about […]
Quiz: Is Your Man Having a Midlife Crisis?
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: How can I determine if my boyfriend is going through a midlife crisis? Disturbed in Longmont, Colorado Dear Disturbed: Take this quiz, courtesy of Gay Courter and Pat Gaudette in the book How To Survive Your Husband’s Midlife Crisis (Perigee). How many of the following […]