Dear Neil: I strongly dislike how critical I am of others. I look for things I could label as annoyances—how someone eats, how they talk, how they dress, whether they are being lazy, etc. I know I need to chill out, but how do I do so? Critical in Sweden Dear Critical: We tend to […]
We all want to do our best. Nothing wrong with that, is there? Well, yes and no. It’s healthy for all of us to do our best because we can feel pride in our skills, our knowledge, our competence and our mastery. But it’s not so good to be a perfectionist, because then we are […]
Dear Neil: I am interested in your thoughts on how to feel compassion for myself. I am extremely hard on myself, and I regularly think of how I could have said or done something better—after the fact. I would like to know how to be kind and compassionate to myself and put my inner critic […]
Dear Neil: I think being hooked on approval is the core to why I struggle and obsess so much. There seems to be little ease and relaxation in me. For me, approval seems almost a matter of survival. How does a person change this? Hooked on Approval in Vancouver, British Columbia Dear Hooked on Approval: […]
Dear Neil: Why am I so critical of other people? I can really get on my boyfriend’s case from time to time, because he angers or disappoints me, because he misses an opportunity to be romantic or endearing, or because he says or does something that hurts me. I think perhaps I’ve always been like […]
NOTE: THIS IS THE 2ND OF A TWO-PART SERIES Few couples can completely avoid criticizing each other now and then, even in healthy marriages. The trouble begins if you feel that your complaints go unheeded, and your spouse just repeats the offending habits. Or, perhaps you never clearly expressed your concerns, or you don’t express […]
Note: This is the first of a three-part series. Dear Neil: My boyfriend accuses me of being a critical person. I admit I complain from time to time about things that bother or disturb me about him, but I don’t think that I am that critical of him overall. Is there a way to tell […]
NOTE: THIS IS THE SECOND OF A TWO-PART SERIES Let’s say your father is a judgmental man who is constantly commenting on the shortcomings of others. You are likely to develop a strong Inner Critic who picks up your father’s judgments and uses them against you. Underneath it all, your Critic is hoping to make […]
NOTE: THIS IS FIRST OF A TWO-PART SERIES Do you know your Inner Critic? The Inner Critic develops in our youth to protect us from being shamed or hurt. It is extremely anxious, and almost desperate for us to succeed in the world and be accepted by others. So the Inner Critic sees, hears and […]