The Allure of “Unpredictable Love” Of the thousands of letters and emails I get from readers around the world asking for relationship advice, the most frequent center around someone in a relationship pushing away or running hot and cold. Here are a few examples: My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. After […]
When One Person Withdraws From a Relationship
Has this happened to you? Two people fall in love with each other. But then one person runs away, pushes the other person away, escalates with anger or personal attacks, or withdraws. The person who has not withdrawn becomes enormously puzzled by this obvious change of heart and frantically attempts to charm, buy, entice, cajole, […]
How Do I Help My Lady Get Over Her Past?
Dear Neil: I have been in an on again-off again relationship with this beautiful lady since this last Christmas. She and I are close when we are together, and her kids absolutely adore me. But she was in an abusive relationship with the kids’ father. Now when she and I are close, she finds the […]
By Showing Attention and Affection, Am I Being Smothering?
Dear Neil: I am 40 years old and in a relationship with a man that makes me feel inadequate. He complains about what I cook, talks through shows that I like and never seems to be happy. He is 41, has 4 kids by 3 different women, he lives with me, his car is in […]
Becoming an Emotionally Available Person
Dear Neil: I can understand your recommendation to avoid emotionally unavailable people like myself who have these deep personal flaws. But not one of us who are damaged people want to be where we are. From lousy childhoods to a series of failed relationships, our lack of progress about becoming emotionally more available is quite depressing. […]
Helping Your Man to Re-engage in the Relationship
Dear Neil: My common-law spouse of 10 years packed up and left last month. Then, last night, he came by to pick up his stuff. He was very emotional, said he missed our life together, that he thinks of me every day, misses me and loves me. When I said that we need to work […]
How to Ruin Your Relationship
The variety of couples in the news who are separating or divorcing is a sober reminder that our intimate relationships are fragile and can break—and that they must be handled with proper care and maintenance. Many things can go wrong in a marriage. But there are things you can do—or stop doing—that directly relate to […]
What is eating at grumpy husband?
Dear Neil: Over the years, my husband has gotten increasingly negative and grumpy, and I am finding it harder to cope with him. I get no positive comments, and he tends to say something negative about everything. As a self-protection, I have begun to harden myself when he comes home; and I snap at him. […]
Woman Puzzled by Boyfriend’s Withdrawl
Dear Neil: I recently started seeing someone, and things were great. We talked to each other three times a week and saw each other twice a week. But over the last two weeks he has become detached and removed, and has seldom called. I have found evidence of him sleeping with someone else. What should […]
Rekindling Love
Falling Out of Love “Three years ago, [my husband] became depressed, and criticized our home, our life; everything was wrong,” writes an anonymous woman from Christchurch, New Zealand. “I kept quiet but became hurt and resentful. I felt used and unloved. I have heard enough of comments such as ‘grow a brain,’ ‘you’re full of […]