Dear Neil: My boyfriend of 4 years is famous for shutting down, and I am a yeller. (I communicate that way. That is how I express myself.) I yell because I am trying to get him to communicate with me without shutting down, because then we build up unresolved issues. How do I convince my […]
Dear Neil: My fiancé will dish out a fair amount of criticism at me. But if I say anything that shows unhappiness about him, he falls apart, withholding affection and withdrawing for days. He tells me he absolutely can’t function if I am not happy with him, and he insists I need to be happy […]
Dear Neil: I push everyone around me away, and my worst problem is that I’m sabotaging a relationship with a caring, loving and intelligent man who I don’t want to lose. I don’t have good friends other than him, so I turn to him for everything I need, and I have been very needy and […]
Dear Neil: I was in a loveless marriage for years. My wife had sex with me less than once a year for 13 years, although we did make three children together. At one point, there was 5 years with no sexual intimacy at all. After years of me requesting that we get therapy, which she […]
Dear Neil: I’m in a 9 year relationship with a man who has been emotionally unavailable. Our typical pattern consists of him coming over to my house, we have sex and then he leaves right after. I have called him periodically and he is always busy: in a meeting, going to the airport or doing […]
Dear Neil: I love my children. My ex took them away from me. It’s a long terrible story, and I’ve been living in hell ever since. My children are grown now, but will have nothing to do with me. I have no idea of how to get them to want a relationship with me. Not […]
Dear Neil: I work during the week, and my husband hasn’t worked in four years. He is enrolled in a two-year college, but it’s taking him four years. He physically attends classes once or twice a week, and takes online classes the rest of the time. But while I am working, he often goes out […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one Often couples want opposing things. They want a close passionate relationship with their spouse or intimate partner—and they want the instant stimulation and feelings of connection they get from social media. And all too frequently, those two desires are in opposition […]
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two I have written several columns about how the increased use of cell-phones and computers have effected our important relationships. One such column was about a girlfriend’s cell phone addiction, which has generated a surprising number of emails from around the world. […]
Dear Neil: Is there a way to measure how resilient a person is? My girlfriend walked out on me the same week I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I’m handling things okay, but it got me to wondering if being resilient is something I could cultivate or develop. Any ideas? Holding On In San Francisco […]