“Oh you poor victim. Quit being a martyr. Next thing that’s going to happen is you’re going to get nailed on a cross.” Has anyone said something like that to you? If so, you may be occasionally playing victim—or adopting a victim mentality. Most people have done so from time to time. But the difference […]
Dear Neil: I manifested the man of my dreams. He’s kind, honest, loyal, humble, patient, hard-working, ambitious, extremely supportive and he loves me. He told me he wants to marry and have kids with me. I fell for him head over heels. But shortly after that I freaked and wanted to run away, and I’m […]
It’s 9 a.m. and I’m on a deadline to get my column written and sent to the newspaper. I am researching a new topic, and it’s very time consuming. During my research the phone rings and I get tied up in a 40-minute call. Getting back to my column, a news alert comes in on […]
Dear Neil: I feel sad and empty. I was never loved as a child, and I do not have the bonds I should have had. The non-existence of love in my family and the coldness has just made me numb, and I feel numb all the time. I am also a cancer survivor. I fear […]
Some things we do not have control over. Regarding longevity, we don’t control our genetics, our medical predispositions, our birth gender, ethnicity, and often our socioeconomic status. But there are a variety of factors we can control. The National Institute of Aging estimates that 70% of factors that determine how long we live are within […]
Dear Neil: I strongly dislike how critical I am of others. I look for things I could label as annoyances—how someone eats, how they talk, how they dress, whether they are being lazy, etc. I know I need to chill out, but how do I do so? Critical in Sweden Dear Critical: We tend to […]
Dear Neil: I am 63 and my husband of two and a half years is 65. He lost his job shortly before we married, and he has made very little effort in finding another one. Since we are not that far from retiring, I might have been okay with this. However, during this time he […]
Life-giving actions and efforts provide meaning to our lives. They further our long-term goals and/or relationships, they feel energizing and exciting, they’re regenerative or they’re simply fun to engage in. There’s several types of life-giving activities. First, there’s the literal: giving birth or saving someone’s life. Second, there’s the figurative: extremely engaged, helpful or generous […]
I’m sitting here on Labor Day thinking about the topic for next week’s column. A phone call from my wife temporarily requires my attention, but then I get back to my computer. A news flash from CNN pops up about the fire in LA, so I check it out (I have family in LA). Then […]
One obstacle to a great relationship with ourselves is that we tend to not dig deeply into our own hearts, our minds and our emotions, so that we are often left not knowing our inner selves very well. Periodically I attempt to offer a list of questions designed to help you gain awareness of your […]