Let’s say you were interested in deepening the closeness in your relationship. How would you go about doing that? It’s a good bet that whatever you did would involve 1) talking about personal feelings, dreams, fears, concerns and emotions, and 2) being more affectionate. Here is an exercise in creating or deepening the connection with […]
Dear Neil: My significant other of 3 years doesn’t understand that I need reassurance from him because of his rejection and abandonment from the past. All he can say to me is that I need to move on or it’s not going to work, and that I need to decide to trust him. But I’m […]
Dear Neil: Over the past two years my husband has been growing away from me. He says it’s me just being emotional, but he doesn’t touch/cuddle me anymore, and he is no longer interested in how I feel. I don’t think that we will last much longer. Do you have any advice? No Longer Close […]
Focus on the qualities you admire and appreciate in your partner, and speak them. There’s a reason you chose him or her. What did you see in the beginning of the relationship that was so appealing, and what do you see now in your spouse/partner that is attractive, positive and good? Make it a point […]
Interested in improving your relationship this Valentines? Take turns answering the following questions, and assume there will be multiple answers to every question. Make sure both of you get an equal chance to address each question. Take an interest in how your Valentine actually feels, and what he or she thinks would improve your relationship. […]
Imagine the following scenario: Your spouse or partner retracts from you, becomes distant and wants to be left alone. This continues for a day, or perhaps a week. During this time, he or she acts abrasive, critical, withdrawn and angry, and when you offer to try to get your spouse out of this sour mood, […]
Dear Neil: My boyfriend of 4 years is famous for shutting down, and I am a yeller. (I communicate that way. That is how I express myself.) I yell because I am trying to get him to communicate with me without shutting down, because then we build up unresolved issues. How do I convince my […]
If you think about nurturing a child or a dog, most of us understand the basics about what such behaviors ask of us. But when grown men and women complain that their spouses or intimate partners don’t nurture them enough, often their partners say that they don’t know what nurturing behaviors are—or what’s being asked […]
By far the most common complaint marriage counselors hear is the statement: “We can’t communicate.” There are many reasons why communication stops or becomes superficial and brittle, including poor conflict resolution, problem solving, compromising and negotiating skills; withholding information; keeping secrets from each other and becoming defensive—to name a few. But one of the most […]
Dear Neil: Our English class would be deeply indebted to you if would tell us exactly how to forgive those who have hurt us. Rarely do we receive pointers as to how to forgive. Seeking in London, Ontario Dear Seeking: The decision to forgive arises out of the desire for us to be at peace […]