Dear Neil: My boyfriend of 4 years is famous for shutting down, and I am a yeller. (I communicate that way. That is how I express myself.) I yell because I am trying to get him to communicate with me without shutting down, because then we build up unresolved issues. How do I convince my […]
If you think about nurturing a child or a dog, most of us understand the basics about what such behaviors ask of us. But when grown men and women complain that their spouses or intimate partners don’t nurture them enough, often their partners say that they don’t know what nurturing behaviors are—or what’s being asked […]
By far the most common complaint marriage counselors hear is the statement: “We can’t communicate.” There are many reasons why communication stops or becomes superficial and brittle, including poor conflict resolution, problem solving, compromising and negotiating skills; withholding information; keeping secrets from each other and becoming defensive—to name a few. But one of the most […]
Dear Neil: Our English class would be deeply indebted to you if would tell us exactly how to forgive those who have hurt us. Rarely do we receive pointers as to how to forgive. Seeking in London, Ontario Dear Seeking: The decision to forgive arises out of the desire for us to be at peace […]
Try doing this relationship wellness checkup for Valentine’s, and look at how you can better love (and be loved). Take turns addressing each of the following questions. Make sure both partners get an equal chance to address the questions, and assume there will be multiple answers to every question. You get bonus points for not […]
Dear Neil: 2 years ago, one of my friends introduced me to his daughter, and she and I got close very fast. She moved to my town, and wants me to take on a father role to her 5 year old child. But she is disrespectful and jealous, and this relationship has cost me a […]
Dear Neil: I am in dire need of your help. I am married to a wonderful man for 5 years who loves me, but I have always struggled with feeling love for him. Mentally I have compared him negatively with others a lot. I was scared and anxious when we were engaged, and constantly thought […]
Most of us want to believe the fairy tale we grew up with: that two people can fall in love, get married and live happily ever after—or some variation of that. Some of us do live that fairy tale, but most of us struggle with the “happily ever after” part. It’s not that we don’t […]
Want to fall in love? Here is a set of questions designed for you to take a promising or hopeful relationship to the next level. I should state that these questions require someone else’s active and willing participation, and it helps enormously if both of you are sexually and/or sensually attracted to each other. Also, […]
Let’s say your beloved dog dies, and you are heartsick. As you tell different people of your loss, notice your emotional reactions and your gut feelings to the following responses: “I’m sorry for your loss.” “You’ll get over it in time.” “Your dog is in a better place now.” “Are you going to get another […]