Dear Neil: My boyfriend refuses to communicate when there is an issue in our relationship. He would rather I simply never talk about it. If I dared to make suggestions to him about how to better deal with conflicts or issues, he would blow up. I’ve tried to have calm conversations with him on what […]
Afraid of Being Hurt Again
Dear Neil: I met him when I was 17. We had a special bond and could talk about anything, and we were very emotionally and physically attracted to each other. But he was not the type to show emotions, and he said he didn’t want to get married or have kids, so I eventually left him […]
How to Create a Closer Connection
Let’s say you were interested in deepening the closeness in your relationship. How would you go about doing that? It’s a good bet that whatever you did would involve 1) talking about personal feelings, dreams, fears, concerns and emotions, and 2) being more affectionate. Here is an exercise in creating or deepening the connection with […]
What Actions Would Reassure Fearful Woman?
Dear Neil: My significant other of 3 years doesn’t understand that I need reassurance from him because of his rejection and abandonment from the past. All he can say to me is that I need to move on or it’s not going to work, and that I need to decide to trust him. But I’m […]
What To Do If You’ve Grown Apart?
Dear Neil: Over the past two years my husband has been growing away from me. He says it’s me just being emotional, but he doesn’t touch/cuddle me anymore, and he is no longer interested in how I feel. I don’t think that we will last much longer. Do you have any advice? No Longer Close […]
10 Ways to Improve Your Relationship Immediately
Focus on the qualities you admire and appreciate in your partner, and speak them. There’s a reason you chose him or her. What did you see in the beginning of the relationship that was so appealing, and what do you see now in your spouse/partner that is attractive, positive and good? Make it a point […]
Valentines Special: Questions That Will Revitalize Your Relationship
Interested in improving your relationship this Valentines? Take turns answering the following questions, and assume there will be multiple answers to every question. Make sure both of you get an equal chance to address each question. Take an interest in how your Valentine actually feels, and what he or she thinks would improve your relationship. […]
Be The Bigger Person
Imagine the following scenario: Your spouse or partner retracts from you, becomes distant and wants to be left alone. This continues for a day, or perhaps a week. During this time, he or she acts abrasive, critical, withdrawn and angry, and when you offer to try to get your spouse out of this sour mood, […]
How Do I Stop My Boyfriend From Shutting Down?
Dear Neil: My boyfriend of 4 years is famous for shutting down, and I am a yeller. (I communicate that way. That is how I express myself.) I yell because I am trying to get him to communicate with me without shutting down, because then we build up unresolved issues. How do I convince my […]
How Can I Better Nurture My Wife or Husband?
If you think about nurturing a child or a dog, most of us understand the basics about what such behaviors ask of us. But when grown men and women complain that their spouses or intimate partners don’t nurture them enough, often their partners say that they don’t know what nurturing behaviors are—or what’s being asked […]