Dear Neil: Can you tell me how my husband and I can become soul mates? Ready in Toronto Dear Ready: Following are the essential ingredients needed for two people to become—and stay—soul mates. These ideas were stimulated by Daphne Rose Kingma’s book “The Future Of Love” (Doubleday). Honesty. Each time we tell the truth we become […]
Working Through Conflict More Effectively
The following exercises are designed to help couples work through conflict more effectively. If your relationship is beset with conflicts which occasionally spin out of control, then try learning these relationship skills. HIDDEN MESSAGES Explore which hidden issues are operating in your relationship. Consider the degree to which each issue seems to affect your relationship […]
Fighting Better
Dear Neil: My wife and I are getting into a fair number of ugly arguments and vicious fights. Lots of things can trigger an argument, but stopping the argument is an entirely different matter. I feel we are destroying our relationship by the way we are fighting. Are there any suggestions you can offer about […]
Traits of a Good Relationship
Dear Neil: We have been married four years, and have noticed that a lot of things can water down our closeness and intimacy for us. Could you describe the traits or skills that are necessary for my wife and I to create the best relationship we possibly can? Dwindling in Pensacola, Florida Dear Dwindling: Here […]
Fighting More Effectively With Your Mate
Dear Neil: Could you recommend a way my husband and I can fight (or even talk and disagree) more effectively? Our disagreements are getting very heated and personal, and sometimes attacking, and they’re threatening our marriage. Heated in Sydney, Australia Dear Heated: We all know that when couples are screaming at each other, or when […]
Cultivating More Love in Your Relationship
Most of us wish to be close to someone without getting destroyed in the process. If you have ever loved and lost, you will understand how hard it is to open up and to offer your heart yet again. The reason why people don’t love more is related to the fear of getting rejected, betrayed […]
Valentine’s Week Shouldn’t be the Only Time for Romance
As we approach Valentine’s Week, here are a whole gaggle of romantic ideas and suggestions taken from the book, 10,000 Ways To Say I Love You by Gregory J. P. Godek (Casablanca Press, 1999). Two ground rules before we begin: First, it’s the doing and the expressing that makes romance work. Whatever else, remember that. Second, […]
Handling Conflict More Effectively
Next time you’re trying to defuse a conflict with someone who’s angry or upset, use the Psychotherapist’s Tool to talk the person through his or her emotions rather than trying to talk him or her out it of them. What is the Psychotherapist’s Tool? It involves paraphrasing back what someone has said in an effort […]
Defusing Verbal Conflict
What do you do in a conflict when someone says something unfair or unkind? Do you get aggressive? Defensive? Do you remain silent because you don’t know what to say? Do you speak up but later wish you hadn’t? Do you think of the perfect response later on? It’s natural to take offense if someone […]
Intensity and Passion Can be Developed and Encouraged
Dear Neil: I have just moved in with my boyfriend after a year of dating. He is the kindest, most wonderful man, and he is my best friend. But I cannot purge the memory of an old relationship from four years ago. My current relationship lacks the intensity of the former, but I feel that […]