Try This Communication Exercise Note: This is the second of a two-part series. What would it mean to say “I love you” if I neither hear you—nor care what you feel—nor exhibit any real desire to better get to know how you feel? Many people do not love mindfully. Some men and women are very […]
Getting Your Frustrations Heard and Addressed by Your Partner (Dialoguing)
Ever notice how easy it is for a couple to fall into a cycle of criticism, blame, defenses and distance from each other? If your relationship has trouble with one or both of you handling criticism, judgment or differences of opinion, try this exercise, created by Harville Hendrix and taken from a John Mariner and […]
How Does a Couple Deepen The Intimacy and Commitment Between Them?
Dear Neil: I have lived with my boyfriend for 10 months. A couple of weeks ago he went out with a long-time female friend of his, and he didn’t get home until 3 a.m. on a Tuesday night. I questioned him about where he was, and he said “at a bar,” which I later found […]
The Essence of Romance is to Stay Connected
NOTE: THIS IS THE FIRST OF A TWO-PART SERIES Dear Neil: Please settle a disagreement between the two of us. My husband says that romance is about candlelit dinners and lovemaking. I say it is more about eating and vacationing together. Who’s more accurate? Wanting More In New York Dear Wanting More: Neither of you […]
Want to Love Again?
The More Love You Give The More “In Love” You Will Feel Dear Neil: I have gone through a series of relationships with women where I just don’t feel the emotions I’d like to feel about them. Either the chemistry is wrong (and therefore I am not much into it), or she has children (I […]
Insecure Love
Dear Neil: I am involved with a woman who repeatedly demands that I tell (and show) her that I love her many times a day—day in and day out. She also demands that I tell her how beautiful she looks, gets angry if I decide to spend time with my friends, accuses me of abandoning […]
Increasing Your Effectiveness in an Argument
Note: This is the third of a three-part series. In an intimate relationship, the more hurt or angry you feel, the more likely you are to react to your partner as an enemy instead of as a teammate. The more habitually you talk to each other as if you’re enemies, the more hurtful, defensive, antagonistic […]
Reducing Anger in a Disagreement
Note: This is the second of a three-part series Here are ways to reduce anger and improve your dialoging skills, in order to keep your intimate relationship intimate: Beware of the impulse to strike back. When your partner expresses hurt, frustration or irritation, especially about something you have done, your immediate impulse may be to […]
Communication Needs to Improve
Dear Neil: I really hurt my boyfriend of three years by being mean to him, treating him poorly, acting like I didn’t need or love him and generally not being responsive to what he said he wanted.I did this because he was so lacking in romance, and because I wanted to be taken care of […]
Going All Out: Increasing Your Attachment
Dear Neil: My wife accuses me of being disattached and emotionally withdrawn in our relationship. What can I do to increase my level of attachment and become closer to her? Distant in San Antonio, Texas Dear Distant: In a way, this is the same question as to how you could be a better spouse and lover. […]