Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: My husband slept with one of our business customers 18 months ago. I found out, and my life just hasn’t been the same since. I have tried to put it behind me, but I just can’t get the betrayal out of my head. To […]
Regaining a Relationship with Your Grown Children
Dear Neil: I have completely lost contact with my grown children (ages 30 to 18). Their mother and I had a nasty, acrimonious divorce, and she practiced child alienation, bad-mouthing and condemning me a great deal to them. I feel rejected by them because it feels as if they have taken their mother’s side and […]
A Couple’s Exercise to Effectively Resolve Conflict
Imagine the following scenario: Someone close to you gets in an accident and winds up with a broken nose. Her nose healed, but she remains fearful of being seen in public. She says her nose doesn’t look right, and she doesn’t want anyone to see her, so she stays home virtually all the time. You’re […]
Creating a Conscious Relationship
Have you ever wondered why some couples, over time, remain warm, connected, affectionate and close to each other, while so many other couples flounder? Want to learn their secret? Many factors go into creating a happy, long-term relationship: effective communication, the ability to resolve differences so that both partners feel valued and honored, affection, endearments, […]
The Way Around Somebody’s Defenses
Dear Neil: I am so frustrated with my husband that I’m thinking of separating from him. I don’t believe in divorce, but I’m not sure I can tolerate living with him anymore. Anything that even hints at me telling him I’m upset with him, that I don’t like something he has said or done—or, heaven […]
What Do I Do When My Boyfriend is Very Friendly With His Ex?
Dear Neil: My boyfriend (not live-in) is very friendly with his ex. They have had an off-and-on intimate relationship over the last 20 years. She sometimes comes to see him in the evening unannounced—cooks him dinner and stays late into the night. This seems disrespectful to me. The trouble is, he asked me if I […]
The “Secrets” of Compatability
Dear Neil: My fiancé and I are fighting a lot with each other, and that’s thrown our wedding—scheduled for later this year—into serious question. Is there a secret for how to know if we can be compatible with each other? We have a lot of common interests and similar tastes in music, Italian food and […]
Making an Apology
Dear Neil: I think I owe my boyfriend an apology for repeatedly getting angry with him, being demanding and selfish, insulting him and generally treating him poorly. I’ve never been very good at apologizing to people—it makes me feel weak, bad and full of shame. How do I apologize to him effectively? Fearful in Vail, […]
Quiz: How Comfortable Are You in Receiving Love?
Note: This is the first of a three-part series. Below are questions designed to help you discover how comfortable you are in receiving love. Rank each item with S for “sometimes,” O for “often,” or R for “rarely” or N for “never.” ___ Do you feel uncomfortable when somebody brags about you? ___ Do you […]
Quiz: Is There Love and Respect in Your Relationship?
Is there enough love and respect in your intimate relationship? Do you and your partner show each other empathy, support, care, affection, friendship, sympathy and love? How do you express such emotions, how is that expression received by your partner, and where could you improve in the ways that you express love and respect? Take […]