Have the demands of life taken over so much that you feel the connection isn’t as strong as you’d like with the person you love? Are you and your mate unsure how to recapture the closeness and intimacy you once had? If so, try this couple’s communication exercise, taken from John Gottman’s book The Relationship […]
Falling in Love Alone
Dear Neil: I have been in a hot, furious, torrid, erotic love relationship which recently ended abruptly, and I am at a loss to understand why. “Eric” was everything I had hoped for. He was romantic, charming, sensitive, adorable and emotionally available. He said he loved me, he acted like he loved me, he talked […]
Clearing The Air in Your Relationship
Dear Neil: My relationship with the man I’ve lived with for seven years can get very volatile at times, and tension can build uncomfortably high between us. There is a fair amount of distancing, withdrawal and irritability between us. But both of us are conflict avoiders, and neither of us is good at bringing tensions […]
Intimate Relationships After Age 45
Facing The Challenges of The Second Half of Life Dear Neil: I am 45 and in a new intimate relationship that shows a lot of potential for a stable, long-term commitment. I have been married before, have raised kids, paid down a mortgage, acquired possessions, advanced in a career and experimented sexually, which leads me […]
What Makes Relationships Work?
Dear Neil: There are so many failed marriages and/or relationships anymore—including my own—that I would like to know if you could write about what people need to do in order to make their relationship work? What separates a “normal” relationship—the one most of us have—from a good one? What is required in order to make […]
Are You Safe to be Vulnerable Around?
Note: This is the first of a two-part series Aimee is standing in front of the mirror staring at herself. “Gary…do you think I need to get my nose fixed?” If Gary’s goal is a closer partnership, he needs to create safety for Aimee. And that means passing up the opportunity to make a joke […]
Exercises to Enhance Closeness and Intimacy
The following is a collection of couples enrichment exercises taken from the “Brief Couples Therapy Homework Planner” by Gary Schultheis, Bill O’Hanlon and Steffanie O’Hanlon (John Wiley and Sons). Try these exercises out as a way of enriching and deepening the intimacy between you: Find five things you would do if you were really in […]
Communicating When You Are Hurt, Angry, or Upset
Dear Neil: Would you clarify where the appropriate place is for anger? My husband thinks my anger is inappropriate when he has periodic communication with a woman whom he has been having an “emotional affair” with for the past two and a half years. Unfortunately, the only way I’ve actually succeeded in stopping their communication, […]
Solving Seemingly Unsolvable Conflicts
Does this problem sound familiar? She wants him to take a larger role in housekeeping, domestic chores and keeping the place picked up. He wants her to get off his back. Don’t relate to that issue? How about this one? She wants to socialize with and meet new people at parties and other social events, […]
Self-Love Requires Being On Your Side
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one When you love and value yourself, you start taking care of your health; your body; your psyche; your relationships with others; and your sense of vitality, optimism, and overall well-being. Here are some of the things you can do to better love, respect […]