Dear Neil: Some people decide to not have sex with their spouse. So why do these same people get upset when their husband or wife has sex with someone else? Not Sure I Understand Dear Not Sure: Some people have negative associations with sex. Although they desire to be married, they don’t desire sex, or […]
Quiz: Are You Dating a Liar?
Many of us have been lied to by someone we love and trust. Although there are differences in lies—some people exaggerate the truth, other people leave important information out, still other people rationalize or excuse their own misrepresentations—the end result is often broken trust. And trust turns out to be a cornerstone for virtually all […]
The Fear of Being Close is Actually a Fear of Being Rejected
Dear Neil: In my current five-year relationship, my lady has run away and come back to me numerous times, and she has had an affair on me as well. Sometimes when she runs away, I hear nothing for a few weeks. It appears she could care less about the pain all of this causes me—being […]
Quiz: Are You a Good Listener?
By far the most common complaint marriage counselors hear is the statement: “We can’t communicate.” There are many reasons why communication stops or becomes superficial and brittle, including poor conflict resolution, problem solving, compromising and negotiating skills; withholding information; keeping secrets from each other and becoming defensive—to name a few. But one of the most […]
Fearful? Anxious? Panic Attack? Try This
It’s okay to be afraid. Fear is human and understandable, and is known to all of us. Fear signals us to fight—or to flee—in order to protect ourselves. But what happens when we don’t know what we’re afraid of, or when fear overtakes us? That may cause us to become anxious, paralyzed or panicked. Anxious, […]
Cell Phone Addiction Can Threaten a Relationship
Dear Neil: As soon as my girlfriend and I got in bed last night, she was on her phone for over an hour. I was trying to be affectionate. “In a minute. I’m on Snapchat.” Then it was “I’m on Facebook.” In the end, I rolled over and went to sleep. I feel like I’m […]
My Husband Says He is No Longer in Love With Me. What Can I Do?
Dear Neil: I would like to know whether my husband is having a midlife crisis. He keeps saying he loves me but is not in love with me anymore, and that I am not the person he married. Can you help? Lost in Sacramento Dear Lost: It sounds like your husband is saying he no […]
Forgiving Someone Who Has Hurt You
Dear Neil: Our English class would be deeply indebted to you if would tell us exactly how to forgive those who have hurt us. Rarely do we receive pointers as to how to forgive. Seeking in London, Ontario Dear Seeking: The decision to forgive arises out of the desire for us to be at peace […]
Quiz: How Self-Conscious Are You?
How self-conscious are you? Take this quiz to find out. After each question, mark: Disagree, Somewhat agree, or Strongly agree.
1. When talking with strangers, I tend to avoid looking at them in the eyes.
How Do I Create a Connection With a New Man?
Dear Neil: All guys end up rejecting me. Upon meeting with them, I try to be responsive by asking them questions like: ”Do you like television show ‘x’, what’s your favorite movie from when you were little, what activities do you like,” and so on. But they aren’t responsive to my questions. What can I […]