Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Do you often find your intimate partner to be too busy to be emotionally available to you? Do you have trouble getting him/her to really listen to you? To open up to you? To trust you? To share his/her true feelings with you? Do you get […]
“Rules” For Women
Dear Neil: Since reading your column concerning rules for male partners that appeared in print awhile back, I would like to know if you could print a set of rules for female partners? HopefulJakarta, Indonesia Dear Hopeful: Actually the list of rules is almost the same for women and for men. But since I have […]
Overcoming Gridlock by Identifying Your Inner Dreams Part 2
You want to have children, he doesn’t. She wants you to attend church with her, you’re an atheist. He’s a homebody, you want to party every night. If you feel hopelessly gridlocked over a problem in your relationship that just doesn’t get resolved, take comfort in knowing that there is a way to get through […]
The Signs of Gridlock Part 1
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: My girlfriend and I are constantly fighting. Even small things can provoke a huge fight between us, and we seem to fight over the same things again and again. These fights have escalated to the degree that we’re seeing much less of each other […]
Want to be Heard Better?
Try This Communication Exercise Note: This is the second of a two-part series. What would it mean to say “I love you” if I neither hear you—nor care what you feel—nor exhibit any real desire to better get to know how you feel? Many people do not love mindfully. Some men and women are very […]
Getting Your Frustrations Heard and Addressed by Your Partner (Dialoguing)
Ever notice how easy it is for a couple to fall into a cycle of criticism, blame, defenses and distance from each other? If your relationship has trouble with one or both of you handling criticism, judgment or differences of opinion, try this exercise, created by Harville Hendrix and taken from a John Mariner and […]
How Does a Couple Deepen The Intimacy and Commitment Between Them?
Dear Neil: I have lived with my boyfriend for 10 months. A couple of weeks ago he went out with a long-time female friend of his, and he didn’t get home until 3 a.m. on a Tuesday night. I questioned him about where he was, and he said “at a bar,” which I later found […]
The Essence of Romance is to Stay Connected
NOTE: THIS IS THE FIRST OF A TWO-PART SERIES Dear Neil: Please settle a disagreement between the two of us. My husband says that romance is about candlelit dinners and lovemaking. I say it is more about eating and vacationing together. Who’s more accurate? Wanting More In New York Dear Wanting More: Neither of you […]
Want to Love Again?
The More Love You Give The More “In Love” You Will Feel Dear Neil: I have gone through a series of relationships with women where I just don’t feel the emotions I’d like to feel about them. Either the chemistry is wrong (and therefore I am not much into it), or she has children (I […]
Insecure Love
Dear Neil: I am involved with a woman who repeatedly demands that I tell (and show) her that I love her many times a day—day in and day out. She also demands that I tell her how beautiful she looks, gets angry if I decide to spend time with my friends, accuses me of abandoning […]