Dear Neil: I came from a broken family and was determined to make my marriage work at any cost. I’ve now been married 26 years, but we don’t have intimacy, and we never do anything together.
I want the kids to have as close to a normal upbringing as I can provide, but I feel really bad about missing out on a fulfilling relationship myself. Our kids have picked up on the lack of warmth in our marriage. Sex between us has reached an all time low. I am tormented by the ideathat I want more from life than I now have. Can you offer any help?
Sick In Wyoming
Dear Sick: Tell your wife you want more from your marriage than you’re getting, and tell her exactly what you’d like different.
Change and growth in a relationship begins with communication. Don’t just write and tell me you’re unhappy. Tell her. If she won’t listen, or if she dismisses what you say, or otherwise ignores your pain and your requests, then you’re faced with the decision about what to do with your marriage.
If you’re staying with your wife for the kids, and your kids see their Mom and Dad in a cold, distant, loveless marriage, you’re not doing your kids a favor, because you’re giving them a poor role model for how to be in a positive, loving, intimate relationship.