Wooing

Ah, springtime.  The time when nature wakes up again.  Birds migrate back to the north.  Plants burst out of the ground with a profusion of green everywhere.  Flowers bloom.  Fish spawn.  Animals breed.  All of nature comes alive.

Including us.  And the way many of us express that aliveness, stimulated by springtime, is through urges of desire and yearning—expressed as wooing.

What is wooing?  Wooing can be divided into three categories:  1. Bad wooing  2. Good wooing  3. World  class wooing.

Bad wooing needs no introduction—everyone past the age of twelve has had some experience with bad wooing. (Just kidding. It’s probably thirteen.)  You know someone is paying attention or flirting with you, but s/he is doing it so subtly, dispassionately, incompetently or half-heartedly, you don’t feel enticed by it.  Bad wooing doesn’t leave you feeling special, valued, seduced or summoned.

Good wooing does.

Good wooing involves: lots of time, attention and energy; presence; increasing levels of curiosity about each other; lots of eye contact; openness to being influenced by each other’s ways of looking at things or doing things; being an active and involved listener; making plans for interesting and/or fun things we can do in the future; genuine compliments or flattery (nothing false allowed); creating lots of opportunities for future invites; accommodating to each other’s likes, preferences, tastes, interests and range of emotions; putting forth serious effort; being responsive to the other person’s efforts; being romantic—through word, deed and touch—and showing (not hiding) your interest in the other person.

Wow!  What could be better than that?

Well, that’s where world class wooing comes in.

World class wooing combines all the traits of good wooing, and then adds the emotional dimension:  being emotionally open; wanting to share your inner self; wanting to truly know the other person; (and be truly known by the other person) blending your wishes, hopes and dreams with mine; and being team players with each other by working together and/or creating a working partnership. It requires that I communicate that I want to be with you. That my life is better off with you than without you.  That your presence and your spirit enriches my life and adds value and meaning to my world.

Wooing is a two-person adventure involving a “can do” attitude, being receptive to the other person—and to the possibilities we could have together as a couple.  It involves my active, not passive effort.

Which one of the three wooing categories fits you and your style right now?  Which one of those categories would you like to fit?  If there is a discrepancy between your current style and your ideal style, what could you do about that discrepancy?

“You can tell you’re in love by the way you feel.  Your head becomes light, your heart leaps within you, you feel like you’re walking on air, and the whole world seems like a wonderful and happy place.  Unfortunately, these are also the four warning signs of colon disease.  So it’s always a good idea to check with your doctor.” —Dave Berry

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