Try This Communication Exercise Note: This is the second of a two-part series. What would it mean to say “I love you” if I neither hear you—nor care what you feel—nor exhibit any real desire to better get to know how you feel? Many people do not love mindfully. Some men and women are very […]
10 Secrets to Succeeding with Your New Year’s Resolutions
So it’s New Years already, and you haven’t lost the weight you’d committed yourself to losing. You still haven’t straightened out the mess in the basement or gone through your piles of paper that clutter up the place like you promised yourself you would. And you’re still not exercising like you keep saying you need […]
Quiz: Determine Your Level of Relationship Satisfaction
Take this quiz to determine how satisfied you are in your intimate relationship. For each of the 16 relationship traits listed below, rate each trait from the following two scales. SATISFACTION SCALE: How satisfied are you with each of these aspects of your relationship? 5: Enthusiastic—it couldn’t be any better 4: Quite satisfied 3: It’s […]
Getting Your Frustrations Heard and Addressed by Your Partner (Dialoguing)
Ever notice how easy it is for a couple to fall into a cycle of criticism, blame, defenses and distance from each other? If your relationship has trouble with one or both of you handling criticism, judgment or differences of opinion, try this exercise, created by Harville Hendrix and taken from a John Mariner and […]
How Does a Couple Deepen The Intimacy and Commitment Between Them?
Dear Neil: I have lived with my boyfriend for 10 months. A couple of weeks ago he went out with a long-time female friend of his, and he didn’t get home until 3 a.m. on a Tuesday night. I questioned him about where he was, and he said “at a bar,” which I later found […]
How Healed From Divorce Are You?
Dear Neil: For the past six months, I have been healing from a painful, acrimonious drawn out divorce/custody battle that has left me drained, angry and exhausted. I still have lots of emotions about my ex-husband and how the whole relationship—and all our love—just disintegrated in front of my eyes. I have recently begun dating […]
Why Would Spouse Want a Celibate Marriage?
Dear Neil: Would you discuss the issue of celibate marriage, especially where one partner is frustrated by the whole situation? Going Without in New Zealand Dear Going Without: In a marriage where one person consistently refuses or is repelled by sex with the other person, several explanations may be possible. The first possibility is that […]
Who Were You 20 Years Ago?
Dear Neil: I am 59 years old, and am told by my oncologist that because of my inoperable liver cancer I have at best only a few more weeks to live. I am trying to sort through the clutter of my life so I can die with a sense of inner peace and contentment. Do […]
The Essence of Romance is to Stay Connected
NOTE: THIS IS THE FIRST OF A TWO-PART SERIES Dear Neil: Please settle a disagreement between the two of us. My husband says that romance is about candlelit dinners and lovemaking. I say it is more about eating and vacationing together. Who’s more accurate? Wanting More In New York Dear Wanting More: Neither of you […]
What Are Your Enduring Vulnerabilities?
Dear Neil: My wife “Sherry” and I have been married 29 years. We have gone through a huge number of hurts and disappointments that have left both of us feeling vulnerable. What can be done to overcome past emotional injuries so they don’t harm the quality of intimacy and closeness in our marriage? Wounded In […]