Dear Neil: I think being hooked on approval is the core to why I struggle and obsess so much. There seems to be little ease and relaxation in me. For me, approval seems almost a matter of survival. How does a person change this? Hooked on Approval in Vancouver, British Columbia Dear Hooked on Approval: […]
How Do I Detach From The Man I Love?
Dear Neil: I gave up a man I love, and still love deeply, for all the right reasons. He was desperate for marriage—but didn’t love me. I couldn’t see myself being happy in his family and with his kids. But the pain of his loss is still profound a year on. This is the first […]
How Do I Let The Past Go?
Dear Neil: About four years ago I was working out of town. Over the two weeks I was away, my wife had a brief romantic fling. Except she lied about it, telling me they were only friends. However, the younger kids told me of a night when Mommy wasn’t home at 1:45 a.m, and they […]
Lessons Life Teaches Us
Here are some of the unspoken lessons our lives and intimate relationships teach us when we have the presence of mind to pay attention: Despite what most people may believe, men fall in love faster than women do. Why? Men, on the whole, fall for the visual, whereas women are more focused on the whole […]
Lack of Sex Requires Heart to Heart
Dear Neil: A few years ago, my husband of 22 years wanted sex and I didn’t, and he tried to physically force me to have sex. When that did not work, he pushed me out of bed. My father was a physically and verbally abusive man, and this may be part of the reason why […]
Communication Exercise Helps Build Intimacy
Have the demands of life taken over so much that you feel the connection isn’t as strong as you’d like with the person you love? Are you and your mate unsure how to recapture the closeness and intimacy you once had? If so, try this couple’s communication exercise, taken from John Gottman’s book The Relationship […]
Sabotaging the Relationship You Want
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Do you have a pattern of choosing an emotionally unavailable intimate partner—a person exceedingly difficult to get or stay close to, whose heart is very protected, insulated or standoffish—while rejecting the person who is available, heartful, caring, responsive and who is easy to be close to? […]
A Promising Relationship Deserves a Chance
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: Recently I ended a promising relationship with a man that I had some misgivings about. He was solicitous of me: What did I want? How was I feeling? No man has ever been so attentive to my feelings or wishes, and it made me […]
How Do I Spot a Narcissist?
Dear Neil: A while back you wrote about narcissism. Your article described my ex-husband’s behavior extremely well. It was the first time I have been able to understand why he was so easily able to let our thirteen year marriage (and the children) go. My question is…how to I spot a narcissist next time before […]
Falling in Love Alone
Dear Neil: I have been in a hot, furious, torrid, erotic love relationship which recently ended abruptly, and I am at a loss to understand why. “Eric” was everything I had hoped for. He was romantic, charming, sensitive, adorable and emotionally available. He said he loved me, he acted like he loved me, he talked […]