Did you hear the joke about Moses descending Mount Sinai? Carrying heavy stone tablets down the mountain was arduous, and balancing them was very difficult for him. When he reached the bottom he said to the awaiting crowd, “My fellow Hebrews. I have with me these three tablets with these fifteen…oops.” One of the stone […]
Internet Pornography
Dear Neil: Some time ago I read an article about Internet pornography and its effect on a relationship. Was that written by you? Searching in Wellington, New Zealand Dear Searching: I have referred to internet porn in my column, but your letter stimulated me to address this issue in more depth. X-rated porn sites, just […]
When Your Child Emotionally Emancipates
Dear Neil: We have a thirty-four year old son who is a PhD. He’s always been a social loner, and does not socialize personally much at all. He goes tramping (hiking and camping) and on overseas holidays alone. Recently, by e-mail, he coldly and abusively said that he was fed up with our “interest” and […]
Woman Puzzled by Boyfriend’s Withdrawl
Dear Neil: I recently started seeing someone, and things were great. We talked to each other three times a week and saw each other twice a week. But over the last two weeks he has become detached and removed, and has seldom called. I have found evidence of him sleeping with someone else. What should […]
Clearing The Air in Your Relationship
Dear Neil: My relationship with the man I’ve lived with for seven years can get very volatile at times, and tension can build uncomfortably high between us. There is a fair amount of distancing, withdrawal and irritability between us. But both of us are conflict avoiders, and neither of us is good at bringing tensions […]
Intimate Relationships After Age 45
Facing The Challenges of The Second Half of Life Dear Neil: I am 45 and in a new intimate relationship that shows a lot of potential for a stable, long-term commitment. I have been married before, have raised kids, paid down a mortgage, acquired possessions, advanced in a career and experimented sexually, which leads me […]
The Hamlet Syndrome Revisited: Overcoming Ambivalence
It is, in my judgment, the most pervasive reason why relationships don’t get off the ground. Or why they get sabotaged even though they appear to have hope and promise. It’s why relationships that start off with so much closeness and passion gradually grow stale, distant and cold. It is called ambivalence. Ambivalence is about […]
Overcoming Fear of Commitment
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Dear Neil: Why do men with commitment problems always seem to find me, and why am I attracted to them? Troubled in Wellington, New Zealand Dear Troubled: We choose unavailable partners—people who live geographically apart from us, people who use crisis as a substitute for intimacy, […]
Am I Commitment Phobic?
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: My intimate relationships never seem to work out long term. I fall in love, but can’t sustain the feelings over time, so I don’t stay in love—and my relationships always disintegrate. There are television sitcoms about people like me, but TV makes it appear […]
Surviving Male Midlife Crisis
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. It’s not enough to know that male midlife crisis can lead to inappropriate hostility, criticism, passive-aggressive behavior, cynicism, affairs, an unhappy marriage, family desertion, impulsive job changes, monetary loss, poor investments, low self-esteem, drug abuse and alcoholism. You have to also know what to do about […]