Note: This is the second of a two-part series.
Here is a continuation of ways to keep the romance strong and vital in your intimate relationship:
- Touch. Touch is the greatest aphrodisiac that exists. It helps us to get close, feel close and stay close. If you’re not touching each other a lot, your relationship is unlikely to feel hot or passionate, and both of you will notice that the closeness and connection you once had has waned. I’m talking about affectionate touch, not sexual. That being said, have you ever noticed that affection leads to sex.
- You can’t withdraw when you’re hurt or angry. So many people withdraw from their partner because they’re hurt or angry. But withdrawal is the death knell of an intimate relationship. Withdrawal kills intimacy. Far better for you to say you’re upset, angry or hurt, and to talk it through. You must take your wall down if you want a close intimate relationship.
- Create time to be alone together every week, and treat that time as sacred.
- Notice, call attention to and openly appreciate your partner’s wonderful qualities.
- The heart of me feeling valued by you is whether you are responsive to what I say matters the most to me. Therefore, if I say something is important to me, make it important to you also, if you at all possibly can.
- Say what you like and love about your intimate partner. What character traits does s/he have that you respect or admire? Is she reliable? Is he trustworthy? A good father? A caring family member? Is she considerate? Compassionate? Sexy? Affectionate? Is he a friend to you? Fun? Romantic? Good-looking? A great dresser? These are the reasons that you chose your partner. Don’t keep it a secret. This is where intimacy requires and even demands that you walk your talk. Say or write it as a love letter.
- When you talk with your partner, look into his/her eyes.
- Find ways to have fun together. Create separate lists titled “What’s Fun?” Then create a second list called “New Things I’d Like to Experience, Experiment With or Try.” Now share your two lists, and create a third list of things you can do together that are fun or enjoyable, or things the two of you would like to try. Then consistently—every week—do at least one item on that list. The couple that plays together stays together.
- Always be a lover in training. Always be a “student” husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend—consistently willing to learn or take feedback about how you could be better, how to be a better friend, how to be more responsive, romantic or caring.
- Thank your intimate partner for all s/he has contributed to your life. And spell out what his/her contribution has been. Don’t just think it, say it. Happy Valentine’s.
“To try to be better is to be better.” —Charlotte Cushman