Most of us take pride in doing something well, in using our skills and abilities effectively, in handling a difficult situation with grace or tact, in accomplishing something challenging—or in doing the many tasks, chores or “have to’s” that define our lives, our careers, our homes and our families. But that’s not what we tend […]
Dear Neil: For years I have struggled with being defensive. For a long time, I didn’t actually understand that I was acting defensively. But my defensiveness turns out to be at the root of my problems with my boyfriend. It seems that most of this behavior stems from my wanting to be perfect. I have […]
Does this happen in your relationship? One person (let’s say it’s you) makes a request of your intimate partner. Maybe you want help with cleaning or straightening up the house. Perhaps you feel your partner is following the car in front of you on the highway too closely, and want him/her to back off a […]
Here are the basic intimacy skills a healthy intimate relationship requires of us: That I communicate with you the very best I can. Good communication takes place when I put aside my own thoughts, feelings and needs for a while to concentrate my attention on you while you are speaking. When I listen, I give […]
Everyone knows that it feels more intimate to be connected to the people we care about and love. But what does that mean, and how do you do it? How do you stay connected with your spouse or intimate partner—or for that matter with your children, family and friends? What do you do? How do […]
Dear Neil: I’m a 24 year old male in my final year of university. Sometimes I can be extremely confident, with high self-esteem. But sometimes, I plunge into the darkest of places, looking for affection, recognition, praise and love, and I can be very afraid of what other people think of me. I lack confidence […]
Dear Neil: My husband and I were married at a very young age—he was 21 and I was 19. We’ve now been married 25 years and have successfully raised a loving family. We are currently empty nesters in our mid-forties. In the past 2 years our jobs have changed and we both are working from […]
A woman falls in love with a man. She is wild about him, and will follow him anywhere. But he has a hard time believing that she loves him, and interprets her love as neediness or loneliness. However, she is so smitten by him that she simply won’t let him go. He finally accepts that […]
Dear Neil: I know I have an anger problem and I need help to control it. When things don’t work out, when I’m running late or when I’ve taken too much on, I can turn into a monster. I snap and yell at my kids, and I say the most terrible things to them that […]
Dear Neil: Could you explain how dating works? I am 29 years old, and don’t know how to tell a guy that I want him to invite me out on a date. I get routinely texted to hang out with a guy and his friends, but I don’t want to just hookup with guys anymore. […]