“I used to think I had no problem with intimacy because I could have sex so easily. I can see now that I used sex as a tool to validate my self-worth. I have been married for 15 years and have never had any intimacy. Can a 42-year-old person learn intimacy?” Wanting in Denver, Colorado Dear […]
Dear Neil: I recently learned that my husband had an affair during the six years we were engaged and living together. This affair only ended when I discovered it. During this time (all) our friends, co-workers, bosses (we were employed at the same location), and his family knew about it and covered for him. She […]
Premature ejaculation is like any other habit. It is hard to stop. Breaking the habit is going to require your ever present, conscious vigilance. Even if you have been sexually active a long time, you are going to have to gain a heightened appreciation for what the exact sensations are immediately before you go over […]
Dear Neil: (Recently) my husband confessed that he’d been having an affair the past nine months with a married woman. She has (also) confessed that she planned to get this affair going because she wanted a new husband. We have decided that after 38 years together—four grown, well-educated and decent children—six grandchildren and a […]
“I am living with a woman who is very controlling,” writes Craig G. from Miami. “When I don’t agree with her or do things the way she wants me to, she gets furious at me, threatens to have an affair, screams, pouts and withdraws sex. Why does she do this?” How do you attempt to […]
Listed below are six different styles, or way of loving, from the Love Attitude Scale by Claude and Susan Hendrick. You may embody more than one of these styles. You also may change styles with time and circumstances. All are valid styles that reflect different attitudes about love. What is your style? Eros My partner […]
If someone were given instructions about how to seduce you, could you describe what they would do in order to seduce you perfectly, the exact way you’d like. Do this interesting exercise together as a couple. Ask each other the above question, and allow yourself to be taught how to be a better lover. For […]
How Your Past Affects Your Intimate Relationships You are likely still seeking as an adult the needs you had when you were growing up that did not get met by your parents. Intimacy is the realm in which we work out our unresolved or unmet childhood needs. The unmet needs, hurts or unresolved issues from […]
“I come from a very troubled childhood. [I had] a father who drank heavily and who terrorized my mother and myself on an almost daily basis. He once held a loaded gun to my mom’s head,” writes a woman from Christchurch, New Zealand. “Perhaps even as a baby I knew I wasn’t wanted, and that […]
“How do you know if a man is interested in you, or just your body?” asked a 35 year old patient of mine recently during her therapy session. “I seem to have this problem a lot. A man expresses interest in me, ‘chases’ me, invites me out to interesting places, tells me he is growing […]