Styles of Love

Listed below are six different styles, or way of loving, from the Love Attitude Scale by Claude and Susan Hendrick.  You may embody more than one of these styles. You also may change styles with time and circumstances.  All are valid styles that reflect different attitudes about love.

What is your style?

Eros

  • My partner and I were attracted to each other immediately after we first met.
  • My partner and I have the right physical “chemistry” between us
  • Our love-making is very intense and satisfying.
  • My partner fits my ideal standards of physical beauty/handsomeness.

 

Ludus

  • I try to keep my partner a little uncertain about my commitment to him/her.    
  • I have sometimes had to keep my partner from finding out about other partners.
  • I could get over my affair with my partner pretty easily and quickly.
  • When my partner gets too dependent on me, I want to back off a little.


Storge

  • Our love is a deep friendship, not a mysterious, mystical emotion.
  • Our friendship merged gradually into love over time.
  • I expect to always be friends with my partner.

 

Pragma

  • A main consideration in choosing my partner was how he/she would reflect on my family, whether or not he/she would be a good parent, how he/she would reflect on my career, and what he/she would become in life.

 

Mania

  • When my partner doesn’t pay attention to me, or when things aren’t right between us, I feel sick all over.
  • Since I’ve been in love with my partner, I’ve had trouble sleeping or concentrating on anything else
  • If my partner ignores me for a while, I sometimes do stupid things to try to get his/her attention back.

 

Agape

  • I am usually willing to sacrifice my own wishes to let my partner achieve his/hers.
  • Whatever I have is my partner’s to use as he/she chooses
  • When my partner gets angry with me, I still love him/her fully and unconditionally.
  • I would endure all things for the sake of my partner.

Eros is sensual, passionate love.  It is strongly correlated with satisfaction in a relationship.  Eros is intense; it asks that you risk when you love.

Ludus is “love as a game” to be played out with diverse partners.  Relationships do not have great depth of feeling.  Ludus is wary of emotional intensity from others.

Storge merges love and friendship.  It is evolutionary, not revolutionary, and may take time to develop.  It is related to satisfaction in long term relationships.

Pragma reflects logical, “shopping list” love, rational calculation with a focus on desired attributes of a lover.  It is related to satisfaction in long term relationships.

Mania measures possessive, dependent love.  It is associated with high emotional expressiveness and disclosure, but low self esteem.  It reflects uncertainty of yourself in a relationship.  It is negatively associated with relationship satisfaction.

Agape reflects all giving, selfless, non-demanding love.  It is associated with altruistic, committed, idealistic love.

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