Dear Neil: I’ve been married for 19 years and have three children. My husband has been unfaithful for most of our married life. I was going to divorce him four years ago, but he came chasing after me when he realized it wasn’t going to work with his flame. I took him back and stopped […]
Restoring Trust After a Betrayal
Dear Neil: When one partner has had an affair and betrayed the trust in a relationship, how can this trust be restored? Hurting in Wellington, New Zealand Dear Hurting: Although people often say “Forgive and forget,” I have found that is impossible to do. You are not going to forget. You can forgive another person’s […]
Healing an Infidelity
If I were Bill and Hillary Clinton’s marriage therapist, here are some suggestions I would offer them for how to heal their marriage after infidelity: For the betrayer, some questions to expect: Who? Where? How long? Where and when did you meet? Do you love this other person? Who else knows? Do you still love […]
Woman Having a Hard Time Handling Husband’s Infidelity
Dear Neil: When I was two months pregnant, I found out that my husband of six years had been unfaithful with at least three different women that I know of. I was going to take my son and leave him, but two days later I had a miscarriage. I felt like I really needed him […]
How Do I Get Over Husband’s Infidelity?
Dear Neil: In February, 1994, I discovered my husband was in an intimate relationship with a woman he worked with. We had what I thought was a near perfect relationship. When I first learned about his other relationship, I blamed myself and completely lost confidence and self-esteem. I didn’t allow myself to be angry, as […]
Husband Sure Wife Had an Affair
Dear Neil: My husband thinks he saw me actually having sex with his best friend. This did not happen. I have always been faithful to him. He won’t go to see anyone because he “knows what he saw,” and seeing a therapist won’t change anything. He’s having all the painful reactions a spouse would have […]
Frustrated Man More Committed Than The Woman He’s Dating
Dear Neil: I am increasingly frustrated at what I think is “Robin’s” emotional unavailability. I find myself giving far more to the relationship (and to her) than I receive back. She shows very little emotion or sexual passion, and there is not much of “we” in the relationship. It’s mostly about her and her children. […]
Learning to Trust After Betrayal
Dear Neil: I have been married for twenty-two years. One year ago, I had a one month affair, which ended when my husband found out about it. Since then, our lives have turned upside down. I have spent the past year trying to make up for what I have done, but I have been unable […]
Quiz: How Much Do You Know About Men and Affairs?
How much do you know about infidelity and men? Take this quiz and find out. Answer all questions true or false. Answers are below. It is in men’s natures to want other sexual partners. No harm is done to a relationship if your partner doesn’t find out about your sexual adventures. A man doing poorly […]
Jealousy Rooted in Insecurity
Dear Neil: I used to be a very jealous wife, and am happy to tell you that I have changed. My jealousy and fits of rage were rooted in insecurity. Partly, I have baggage because my father was disloyal to my mother. Partly, it was that I was bashful and quiet, and my husband is […]