Dear Neil: My ex-boyfriend proposed to me recently. I have not given him an answer. I am not fully in love with him. He has great personality traits, but I do not feel physically attracted to him, and I don’t know what to do. I am afraid if I say yes, our marriage may not […]
Why Can’t I Commit To My Boyfriend?
Dear Neil: I am 23 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for three years. I have grown to realize that he is a wonderful guy with all the great qualities you’d want, and he treats me very well. He’s the kind of guy you could settle down with and marry. The problem is […]
Deepen Your Relationship or Lose It!
Dear Neil: My relationship with my lover of almost four years abruptly ended three weeks ago when we returned from a trip to Las Vegas. After a year of seeing each other I became pregnant but had a miscarriage. For the two years after that, we seemed to be getting closer. On the recent trip […]
Can My Boyfriend Overcome Commitment Phobia?
Dear Neil: I am in a new relationship—four weeks long only. I am female, 34, separated, very attractive and I have a good job. A month ago I got to chatting with a gorgeous man at a bar. He swept me off my feet, and it took one date before we were absolutely obsessed with […]
Why Am I Afraid of Marrying the Man I Love?
Dear Neil: I am 28 years-old, and my two-year relationship with my boyfriend is the first serious relationship I have been in. Our first six months together were amazing and totally blissful. I was the first to say “I love you.” After six months, I got extremely anxious and scared because I didn’t know how […]
The Hamlet Syndrome Revisited: Overcoming Ambivalence
It is, in my judgment, the most pervasive reason why relationships don’t get off the ground. Or why they get sabotaged even though they appear to have hope and promise. It’s why relationships that start off with so much closeness and passion gradually grow stale, distant and cold. It is called ambivalence. Ambivalence is about […]
Overcoming Fear of Commitment
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Dear Neil: Why do men with commitment problems always seem to find me, and why am I attracted to them? Troubled in Wellington, New Zealand Dear Troubled: We choose unavailable partners—people who live geographically apart from us, people who use crisis as a substitute for intimacy, […]
Am I Commitment Phobic?
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: My intimate relationships never seem to work out long term. I fall in love, but can’t sustain the feelings over time, so I don’t stay in love—and my relationships always disintegrate. There are television sitcoms about people like me, but TV makes it appear […]
Ambivalence: The Hamlet Syndrome
Dear Neil: I’m hoping you can help me figure out what I’m doing wrong in my romantic relationships. I meet a nice man, we date several times, he starts to make intimations of getting closer, and I freak out and end our relationship. I then meet another man. We date a few times, I find […]
Commitment Means Facing Your Fears
Note: This is the third of a three-part series. Click here for part two The following are issues that lead people to fear commitment in their intimate relationships: The fear of giving up the dream. Walking along-side each of us is a dream of the ideal partner, the soul mate, the karmic connection. This is […]