Why Am I Jaded?

Discovering Your Wounded Idealist Dear Neil:  I seem to have developed a jaded, cynical and sarcastic way about me, and I have been told by others that I come across negatively. I can see this behavior in myself.  For some reason I have become judgmental and critical—of other people and of myself—and I have developed […]

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Meeting Life’s Challenges

How do you handle adversity and disappointment? Adversity can take a lot of forms:  a life threatening illness; being fired; divorce; the death of a loved one; losing someone or something you cherished; an injury; a betrayal, or even just having your illusions shattered.  Recovering from such events requires great reserves of inner strength, mastery […]

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Self-Love Requires Being On Your Side

Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one When you love and value yourself, you start taking care of your health; your body; your psyche; your relationships with others; and your sense of vitality, optimism, and overall well-being. Here are some of the things you can do to better love, respect […]

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How Do I Become Self-Loving?

Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Dear Neil: I’m 54, and have had to face aloneness, fear and memories of childhood rape and emotional abuse.  How do I become self-loving? Trying to Heal in Wellington, New Zealand Dear Trying:  You don’t have control over how you grew up, […]

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Healing Inner Shame

Dear Neil:  I was very interested to read your column about the rage-shame connection.  My husband suffers from this to a degree that it affects every day of his life.  How do you heal shame? Trying to Overcome Wellington, New Zealand Dear Trying to Overcome:  The rejection of self is central to feeling toxic shame.  […]

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Self-Esteem

Dear Neil:  My self-esteem has not been very good recently.  Exactly what is low self-esteem?  Can I change my low self-esteem and make it higher by doing more things that feel good to me? Wanting More In Vancouver Dear Wanting More:  When self-esteem is low, we tend to neglect our friends, family and colleagues—the people […]

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Do You Have an Achilles Heel?

In the classic myth, Achilles’ 5-foot-8-inch body had only 3 inches of weakness in his heel, and yet those 3 inches became his downfall.  In a similar way, many of us treat our weaknesses as if they are the sole measure of our attractiveness, self-worth and value.  We let our insecurities convince us that those […]

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