Dear Neil: My life experience proves that all men are alike: they all disappoint me in the end. So why try to have a good relationship with one? There’s no sense in getting close to a man, because he’s going to leave me eventually. In my last relationship, I wanted to know everything he did […]
Improving Your Self-Esteem
Following is a continuation of a list of personal strengths, courtesy of Martin Seligman in the book Authentic Happiness (Free Press). Look at this list and decide what your strongest strengths are – not strengths that you sometimes have, but strengths that actually define the authentic you. Using these strengths every day in work, parenting […]
Divorce is a series of behaviors, not a disease
Dear Neil: I was abused sexually, emotionally and physically as a child. Subsequently, I messed up two good relationships, and now I feel that no one would want me. I seem to get everything wrong with other people, and I end up feeling isolated, alone, betrayed, abused and confused. I pretend it’s sort of OK, […]
Reader Says, “Women Want Too Much From Men”
Dear Neil: I’m confused. I get mixed signals from single women I’ve dated about what they want a man to be, and about what they expect from a man in an intimate relationship. Most women clearly want a man to be financially stable and affluent—in essence to pay for everything, and to offer the long […]
Quit Being a Doormat!
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one If you are a “doormat,” you take care of other people, and you have a hard time taking care of yourself—and allowing yourself to be taken care of. Doormats usually need to be perfect, telling themselves things like “I always need […]
Are You a Doormat?
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Are you a doormat? Do you see yourself as having little or no personal power with other people? Do you seek validation from others because you lack confidence in your own abilities and because you have poor self-esteem? Do you feel […]
Quiz: How Much Do You Trust Yourself?
This quiz will help you identify how much you trust yourself vs. how much you doubt yourself. Give yourself a score of 0-5 for each question, where 0 means it doesn’t apply at all, and 5 means that it is often troublesome to you. Do you berate yourself for having strong feelings? (anger, fear, loneliness, […]
What’s Right With You? (Part 2)
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one The following questions are designed to help you explore how you can increase your sense of personal power, self-worth and self-esteem—by exploring where in life you’ve been intelligent, kind, healthy, strong, courageous or wise. These questions come courtesy of Carlene and […]
What’s Right With You? A Self Evaluation
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two If you are like most of us, you focus most of your personal attention on your problems and your challenges—on the things that aren’t going so well in your life. Things such as relationship troubles, financial worries, career stumbles or dead-ends, […]
Agreements With Self Lead to Higher Self-Esteem
Looking for better self-esteem? Higher self-worth? Increased self-confidence? The following ideas about how to achieve a better relationship with yourself—which are really good rules for living—are taken from Don Miguel Ruiz’s excellent book The Four Agreements (Amber-Allen Publishing). If you want better self-esteem, make the following four agreements with yourself and then be sure to […]