Dear Neil: My wife and I have been reading your recent three-part series about how people block themselves from giving and receiving love. It has spoken closely to our situation. At conception, my wife was unwanted by her mother. This translated to her forming strong and mystifying barriers to me. These barriers have refused all […]
Can a Pattern of Infidelity be Broken?
Dear Neil: Please discuss the issue of infidelity within a committed relationship. Why do people do it, why is it often more men that do it than women, and can a pattern of repeat infidelity be broken? Curious in Wellington, New Zealand Dear Curious: Researchers don’t have reliable statistics on how many women are unfaithful, […]
Why Are Men Not Romantically Interested in Me?
Dear Neil: I am 32 years-old and I have never been married—and I haven’t had a real long-term relationship in nine years. Guys I date tell me I’m like one of the guys because I like watching sports and don’t mind just hanging out with friends. They tell me that any man would be lucky […]
Resilience
Success in life encompasses such features as positive relationships with others, contentment at work, feeling as if you’re in control of your future, a positive outlook and resilience. What is resilience? A resilient mindset, says Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein in the book The Power of Resilience (Contemporary Books) consists of: Establishing realistic goals and expectations […]
Making an Apology
Dear Neil: I think I owe my boyfriend an apology for repeatedly getting angry with him, being demanding and selfish, insulting him and generally treating him poorly. I’ve never been very good at apologizing to people—it makes me feel weak, bad and full of shame. How do I apologize to him effectively? Fearful in Vail, […]
Why Did Woman Reject Open-Hearted Man?
Dear Neil: Women claim to want a man who is open-hearted and comfortable with intimacy—a man who can show his more vulnerable emotions. But when I have offered my heart and vulnerability to a woman, I have most frequently been judged, rejected or dumped. In my most recent relationship, I not only gave her my […]
Girlfriend’s Loss of Desire Puzzling
Why would a woman sexually withdraw from a man? I have no reason to believe that there is anyone else in the picture, and we have talked about making a commitment to each other, but I told her I wasn’t ready for that yet. Any thoughts that you have will be greatly appreciated. Feeling Snubbed […]
How We Avoid Loving and Being Loved
Note: this is the third of a three-part series. On the simplest level, the way we approach our intimate relationships demonstrate whether we’ve learned if people are safe and trustworthy, or whether being close to others is dangerous because we are likely to end up getting hurt. The fights, withdrawals and hurt feelings are really […]
Do You Find Yourself Resistant to Love?
Note: this is the second of a three-part series. Why is it that some people block themselves from giving and receiving love? Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt explain the process in the book Receiving Love (Atria, 2004) : When we are born, openness and receptivity are our natural state. When a caretaker does not properly […]
Quiz: How Comfortable Are You in Receiving Love?
Note: This is the first of a three-part series. Below are questions designed to help you discover how comfortable you are in receiving love. Rank each item with S for “sometimes,” O for “often,” or R for “rarely” or N for “never.” ___ Do you feel uncomfortable when somebody brags about you? ___ Do you […]