Dear Neil: I live with a man who is driving me crazy. Seemingly, he’s unhappy about almost everything—his job, the amount of money he makes, how much he has saved for retirement, how other people treat him, how his kids are ungrateful for all he has done for them, about his hurt knee, his wounded […]
Attracting a Woman Requires a Light-Hearted, Playful Spirit
Dear Neil: Almost universally you’ll hear women say they want a guy with a “good sense of humor.” What exactly does that mean? Am I supposed to be cracking jokes all day long? I tend to be on the serious side. What am I supposed to do? Not Understanding in Longmont, Colorado Dear Not Understanding: […]
Takers and Caretakers
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Do you feel as if you are giving a lot more to your intimate partner than s/he is giving back to you? We’ve all heard that relationships are supposed to be 50/50: what I offer you over time is roughly equivalent to what you are supposed […]
Quiz: Are You a Relationship Caretaker?
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Are you a caretaker in your intimate relationship? Take this quiz to find out. Answer each question on a 1 to 5 scale: 1=rarely 2=occasionally 3=maybe half the time 4=often 5=virtually always Are you aware of (or have you been told by others) that you are […]
Carrying a Torch for Somebody from the Past
Dear Neil: Twenty-five years ago, I had a four-year relationship with a woman that ended badly. But ever since then, I’ve had dreams of reconnecting with her. So at the time of my recent divorce, I contacted her, told her of my desire for her, and invited her to get together again. She said that […]
What Can Be Done About a Controlling and Bullying Husband?
Dear Neil: My new husband, for 8 months now, can fly off the handle at me for something I said, and the next two days turn into turmoil. I’m not used to this bullying type of fighting. He’s pretty protective of what I do, and doesn’t let me go on trips with girlfriends, even if […]
Identifying Your Wants and Needs in a Relationship
Dear Neil: I have been dating a guy for four months. He has never been married. He’s 43 and I’m 42. He seems to be a taker, and it feels as if he wants a part-time girlfriend. He says he doesn’t want a mother, but sure is OK with me doing all of his domestic […]
When Somebody Leaves But Fails To Tell You
Dear Neil: I am at the end of my rope. I have been with my wife for almost 15 years (married for three years). Several years ago she cheated on me. She denied it but I found out that she was lying. I went overseas to work, she started the affair again and added another […]
Sexual Politics and the Authentic Self
Dear Neil: Help me make sense out of what happened in this relationship. From the time we first met, “Brianna” and I were together all the time. The relationship turned extremely erotic, and it stayed that way for a full year. But then more and more demands were placed on me. She wanted more entertainment […]
Withdrawal and Disconnection
Feeling a bit disengaged or withdrawn in your relationship recently? Don’t feel badly. Most people do. Everyone—no matter how close or intimate, and no matter how much you may love each other—sometimes feels disconnected from the people they love and are devoted to. Let’s face it: living with someone—or being around someone a lot—can really […]