Do you sometimes feel completely defeated? Perhaps you feel that things are outrageously hard and you’d like to just give up, or perhaps you feel it’s just too hard to (choose one): find a love relationship with someone you’re attracted to and who is attracted back, get along, like the person you’re married or committed […]
The most common primary responses to stress, anger, criticism or rejection are: fight, flight, freeze and faint. At various times you may have experienced all of these responses, but most of us have a predominant style. Take the following quiz to determine which style you most commonly use, courtesy of Cynthia Wall in her book […]
Dear Neil: A few years ago, I read a column you wrote in the newspaper on how to decide if you’re in a relationship with the “right one,” and what questions to ponder when choosing a potential partner. Would you consider reprinting that article? Hopeful in New Zealand Dear Hopeful: I would be happy to […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one Is jealousy a sign of love? Does it induce commitment? Does it teach people to not take their relationship for granted? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you’re in good company, because various researchers and marriage counselors have […]
Virtually everyone is familiar with Reinhold Niebuhr’s quote: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” There are lots of things over which we have no control, over which we are powerless, and when we refuse […]
Dear Neil: I met a man who I grew extremely fond of, but he is dealing with what appears to be shame-based baggage. After some really far-out, sensationalistic accusations toward me, and a great deal of elevated anxiety, I included his family. But I probably did the worst thing possible because he took it all […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one Among all the frustrations of growing up with a narcissistic parent, one paradox is that although a narcissist strives to feel important, loved, powerful, in control, superior and omnipotent—hand-in-hand with those feelings lie the polar opposite feelings—of feeling unsafe, worthless, inferior, […]
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Did you have a parent who constantly criticized you? Did this parent expect you to admire him or her and give him or her constant attention? Or perhaps your parent insisted that everything be done his or her way, and your […]
Let’s face it. Not every parent knows how to parent well, and some people seemingly know nothing at all about good parenting. Some parents are ill-equipped to be moms or dads—either because they don’t want to be parents; they’re not ready yet; because they’ve had poor parental role models from their own upbringing; because they’re […]
Dear Neil: Why do I feel so unlovable? I never feel I’m good enough, I doubt myself all the time and I seldom trust my own judgment. Although people often describe me as a beautiful woman, this lack of belief in myself has caused me, as an adult, to choose men over and over again […]