Most of us take pride in doing something well, in using our skills and abilities effectively, in handling a difficult situation with grace or tact, in accomplishing something challenging—or in doing the many tasks, chores or “have to’s” that define our lives, our careers, our homes and our families. But that’s not what we tend […]
Dear Neil: My boyfriend was blessed with very good looks, and he knew how to be charming, and I was falling in love. He confessed to me that he has been fickle in his previous relationships and that he invests as little of himself as possible. But he also told me that if I did […]
Dear Neil: I have been with the same man for over 25 years. We have raised a family and made a life together. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am, and we are affectionate with each other. I love him deeply, and am sure he loves me—but I feel like the give-and-take […]
Dear Neil: 10 years ago, I had a horrible bout of Stage 3 breast cancer. 5 years ago I divorced, leaving a 12 year marriage. Finally, I just turned 50, and that has really put a spin on what has become a downward spiral. Today I’m cancer-free, but I’m left with both physical and emotional […]
Imagine if you could go back in time and meet the younger you – the you of 20 years ago (or 30 or 40 years ago, depending on your age.) Let’s say that the you of today could advise the younger you. What advice would you give? I know, the dye already has been cast […]
Dear Neil: For years I have struggled with being defensive. For a long time, I didn’t actually understand that I was acting defensively. But my defensiveness turns out to be at the root of my problems with my boyfriend. It seems that most of this behavior stems from my wanting to be perfect. I have […]
Dear Neil: I caught my husband telling another woman on the phone that she is beautiful. They work together. When confronted, he told me she recently split with her husband, and that he was consoling her. I have been suspicious for the past year, but when I brought it up he would brush me off. […]
When I feel criticized, I withdraw or attack back. How can I change this?
I am the evolutionary representative of men and women of great achievement. I am also the evolutionary representative of crooks, of rapists, of the raped, of conquerors, of slaves, of nobility, of cheats, of inventors, of murderers, of laborers, of the most creative minds and of the most boring of all the people who have […]
Does this happen in your relationship? One person (let’s say it’s you) makes a request of your intimate partner. Maybe you want help with cleaning or straightening up the house. Perhaps you feel your partner is following the car in front of you on the highway too closely, and want him/her to back off a […]