Dear Neil: I read your articles in a local newspaper. In my religion, pre-marital sex is not allowed. So how do I determine who to choose as the right person for me to marry? Wanting to Know in South Africa Dear South Africa: Here are some ways to evaluate who would be a suitable partner […]
Repairing the Criticize-Withdraw Syndrome
When I feel criticized, I withdraw or attack back. How can I change this?
The Criticize-Withdraw Cycle Damages Relationships
Does this happen in your relationship? One person (let’s say it’s you) makes a request of your intimate partner. Maybe you want help with cleaning or straightening up the house. Perhaps you feel your partner is following the car in front of you on the highway too closely, and want him/her to back off a […]
Get the Message: He’s Just Not That Into You
Dear Neil: My husband left me 4 weeks ago. We have been married for 2 years, together for 4, and have 2 children, ages 4 and 2. I was pregnant when we met, and am now 27 (he is 24). We have been fighting a lot, and he is often angry at me. Frequently he […]
Hoping Your Relationship Stays Together Is No Substitute for Fixing What’s Wrong
Dear Neil: Everything seems to point to the fact that my 30 year marriage is dead and I should leave my husband. But I keep thinking that something will happen and everything will change. About 10 years ago, he received a sizable inheritance, and from then on things started to change. He became secretive, controlling […]
Do I stay with a wonderful man, even though he is unsure about marriage and a family?
Dear Neil: My partner (29) and I (28) have finally learned how to communicate and resolve our differences effectively. However, he has recently said that he isn’t sure if he ever wants to get married. He said that he’s concerned that if he doesn’t change his mind about marriage in the next few years, that […]
Traits of an Emotionally Unavailable Person
Dear Neil: I’m a college student, and I started seeing a guy that already had a girlfriend. The only time we would meet was when he wanted a booty call. When he finally left his girlfriend, he bailed on me as well, telling me that he never really falls in love. Now he has a […]
Ignoring the Warning Signs Before the Crash
Dear Neil: My ex-husband of 26 years, and the father of our two teenage boys, had been distant, withdrawn and angry with me for 3 years before he told me he was moving out. He said he had been miserable in our marriage for years. He also had developed a “friendship” with a younger female […]
What Can You Do If Your Boyfriend Wants to Break Up?
Dear Neil: I have dated a guy for 6 months. I’m 38; he’s 60.When we first got together, I told him I didn’t want my heart broken. He said: “I’m not the heartbreaking type. I’m usually on the other end of that.” He wanted to be exclusive early on, and suggested that we spend our […]
How to Ruin Your Relationship
The variety of couples in the news who are separating or divorcing is a sober reminder that our intimate relationships are fragile and can break—and that they must be handled with proper care and maintenance. Many things can go wrong in a marriage. But there are things you can do—or stop doing—that directly relate to […]