Dear Neil: About four years ago I was working out of town. Over the two weeks I was away, my wife had a brief romantic fling. Except she lied about it, telling me they were only friends. However, the younger kids told me of a night when Mommy wasn’t home at 1:45 a.m, and they […]
Making Peace With Your Parents
Dear Neil: My mother and I have never been close. I had to fend for myself as I was growing up and never got care and comfort from her on an emotional level. She has the beginning of dementia, as well as physical problems. She requires a lot of watching over and supervision, and I […]
Who Were You 20 Years Ago?
Dear Neil: I am 59 years old, and am told by my oncologist that because of my inoperable liver cancer I have at best only a few more weeks to live. I am trying to sort through the clutter of my life so I can die with a sense of inner peace and contentment. Do […]
What Factors Determine Whether You Heal From Childhood Abuse?
Dear Neil: Your column about incest and rape brought up a question I hope you can address. I am survivor of long-term (9 years) childhood incest, and I was later raped as a teenager. I have attended support groups for survivors, and 12-step programs for co-dependency. I have been in and out of counseling, and […]
Abusive Childhood Can Hurt Adult Intimate Relationships
Dear Neil: Would you address the effects of childhood sexual/emotional abuse on adult intimate relationships? I have just finished a four-and-a-half year relationship that ended painfully. The relationship confronted me with the effects that my childhood abuse has had to make good partner choices, on my ability to trust, to commit and to be emotionally […]
Obsessing About The Past
Dear Neil: I have liked a guy since I was fifteen years old. A lot of time has gone by, and I have rarely seen him, but I still care and think about him every day. I recently found out that he is married and has a child. You would think this information would make […]
Repeating the Familiar
Parent’s Marriage Becomes The Role Model for Their Children’s Marriages Dear Neil: I am sorry to report that my marriage was as dysfunctional as any. My husband used to bad mouth me in front of the children, and after we had been married seventeen years, I started cheating on him. My daughter figured it out. […]
Confronting Your Past
It Is Possible To Change Your Relationship Patterns Dear Neil: Recently I lost my job of nine years, my beautiful home, my cat, my possessions, and my boyfriend of four years dumped me. They say time heals all wounds, but I wonder about some of the scars that are on my heart. When I was […]
Understanding Your Father
Dear Neil: My childhood was made a misery by a violent father with a terrible temper. He never showed me any love, warmth or interest. He never spoke to me as a human being. Now that I am a grown women, I cannot relax around him or even look him in the eye, because I […]
Forgiveness Permits Us To Release The Past
When was the last time you forgave someone who hurt you? Forgiveness means to grant pardon without resentment. It is experienced intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Forgiveness is a key to happiness and well-being, because it releases the anger, hurt, bitterness, pain, fear and even sometimes the illnesses that we carry around. One of the reasons […]