Are you defensive? Have people told you that you respond defensively when feedback, criticism, suggestions or requests are made of you? Have you noticed that you have a tendency of never wanting to admit that you’re wrong—even when you could be? Byron Katie, in her book I Need Your Love—Is That True? (Three Rivers Press) […]
Did you know that close to 90% of all human communication comes from the (usually unconscious) intent to control? So says Susan Campbell in the book Saying What’s Real (H. J. Kramer). She says the intent to control reveals itself in many disguises: Denying that you feel pain when you’re hurting. Trying to impress others. […]
Here is a list of seven deadly relationship sins: Being too detached, withdrawn, removed, guarded or disengaged. Not talking or revealing your feelings. Not asking about your partner’s feelings—or not taking an interest in those feelings once they are shared. Not making your relationship a top priority. Not going all out and giving your very […]
Dear Neil: My boyfriend of seven months said when we met said he was a doctor. My mother decided to see on-line where he went to school. She never found him. So she did a background report to make sure I was safe, and lo and behold, there was no information on his job, but […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one If you’re wise, you’ll view your intimate relationships—and your partner—as your teacher. Your relationships have essential lessons to teach you, and you must learn them if you are to have a happy life: Happiness in a relationship is not just a […]
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Here are some of the things our intimate relationships—and our intimate partners—teach us: In an intimate relationship, our ability to be close, trusting and connected is what life is all about. If you lose a relationship, you must—you absolutely must—learn how […]
Dear Neil: I’m in a one year relationship with a man. We seem to have a real genuine bond and friendship, and we communicate well and talk all the time. Basically we have what I would consider a “perfect relationship,” except for one thing. I feel he is holding back from me. I am scared […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one The following tips on how to stop worrying come from Edward M. Hallowell’s book Worry: Attack your worry; don’t let it attack you. Charge toward the issue. Then you will not over think the problem of how to handle it instead; […]
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Everyone worries from time to time, but to find out how severe a worrier you are, take the following quiz, adapted from Edward M. Hollowell’s book Worry. Give yourself 0 points if your answer is “rarely or not at all,” 1 […]
Imagine drawing three circles on a paper entitled “My Relationship” or “My Previous Relationships.” The three circles represent how much of the relationship consists of “me” (my needs, wants, desires, moods, demands, etc.) “you” (your moods, wishes, dreams, demands, needs, etc.) and “us” (what serves our relationship, our commitment, our future, our connection.) How much […]