Answer the following questions from 1=no to 4=yes.
(Take this assessment yourself, then ask your spouse to take it.)
- Do you get angry a lot with your mate, even over small things?
- Are you frequently sarcastic?
- Are you having an affair, or is there a history of affairs in your relationship?
- Do you tend to focus on your mate’s shortcomings or bad traits more than his/her good traits?
- Do you berate your spouse for making mistakes, or do you use mistakes as leverage against him/her?
- Do you have the tendency of pushing away intimacy and closeness when it’s offered to you, but then wanting it when it’s not offered?
- Have you been accused by your partner of being emotionally unavailable, remote or hard to be close to?
- Do you have a difficult time trusting?
- Do you tend to be emotionally hidden in your relationship, fearing that you’ll be discovered as somehow inadequate or fraudulent?
- Do you have a fear of being controlled or of losing your identity in this relationship?
- Do you have a fear of getting rejected, abandoned or betrayed in this relationship?
- Do you tend to put your mate in second or third position a lot?
- Are you very critical or judgmental of your spouse?
- Do you take constructive criticism from your mate poorly?
- Do you tend to get mean, punishing or vindictive when you’re upset?
- Do you have a pattern of not giving your relationship a whole lot of effort?
- Do you have a pattern of withdrawing or emotionally withholding yourself a lot?
- Do you lament not being close friends with your partner?
- Do you drink too much, watch too much TV, worry too much or have an addiction to any substance or potentially harmful behavior?
- Do you sometimes push your partner away because you don’t wish to be dependent or beholden?
- Do you feel the future of your relationship is hopeless?
- Do you tend to be conflict avoidant, avoiding issues or conflicts instead of addressing them?
- Is trust an issue in this relationship?
- Have you lost affection, romance or passion with your partner?
- Do you have the vague sense that you repeatedly sabotage love?
Scoring: Total your answers.
If you score 40 or under, your relationship may be able to improve, but you’re generally doing well.
If you score between 41-60, your relationship is distressed but appears very treatable.
If you score between 61-75, your relationship is highly distressed, but is still treatable.
If you score 76 or above, your relationship is in trouble and needs help immediately. Call for a free phone consultation now.
