Dear Neil: I have asked my fiancé to be more supportive of me. I have recently lost my job, and I haven’t found another one as of yet. Because of that my credit card debt has risen dramatically, and we have put off our wedding/honeymoon plans indefinitely. She has recently asked me what she could be doing to be more supportive of me. Do you have any ideas?
Sleepless in Colorado
Dear Sleepless: Below is a list of supportive behaviors. Rate each of them as to how supportive they would feel to you. Use the following scale in rating the behaviors:
|Not Helpful||Helpful||Very Helpful|
|1 – 2||3 – 4||5 – 6|
____ 1. Ask me “Is there anything I can do to help?” And if I say yes, do it without expecting anything in return.
____ 2. Point out that I seem stressed.
____ 3. Give me space and time to work it out myself.
____ 4. Listen to me and allow me to vent.
____ 5. Express interest in how I’m feeling and then ask me if I’d like to talk about it.
____ 6. Have sex with me.
____ 7. Offer me advice.
____ 8. Ask me questions about what is going on.
____ 9. Pitch in and help out with what needs to be done.
____10. Take over some of my responsibilities or chores without complaining about it.
____11. Give me physical affection.
____12. Take me out for some fun.
____13. Give me peace and quiet.
____14. Spend time with me.
____15. Tell me you’re interested in what is going on with me.
____16. Tell me you love me.
____17. Tell me what you like or love about me.
____18. Tell me some good news.
____19. Do your best to cheer me up.
____20. Cook my favorite meal.
____21. Suggest we go for a walk.
____22. Reassure me and tell me that everything will be OK.
____23. Offer financial assistance.
____24. Romance me.
____25. Suggest we do something physically active, such as working out together or going dancing.
____26. Make plans for a vacation or a weekend escape soon.
____27. Tell me you have faith in my abilities to rise to the occasion and to conquer the obstacles in my way.