NOTE: THIS IS THE SECOND OF A TWO PART SERIES Especially if you have been married for a long period of time—or if you’ve been in many relationships through the years—this column is designed as a primer on how to keep the sexual spark alive and vital. Sex doesn’t stay vital in a long-range relationship […]
Women and Sex
Dear Neil: What is it that blocks me from having sex with my husband of twenty-four years? Probably anger—at the years of belittling, unkind verbal responses, lack of empathy, lack of interest in my concerns, long periods of unresponsive silence, disregard for my personhood, outbursts of inappropriate anger, repeated acts of aggression and hatred. The […]
Withholding Sex as a Weapon
Differing sexual appetites is often the nature of romance and marriage. But if your mate is angry with you, or if he/she wants to fight, distance or control you, then withholding sex may be the most powerful way to get your attention. Withholding sex—or using sex as a weapon—is used in many intimate relationships to […]
Wife not enjoying sex…
Dear Neil: The frequency of sex is the major problem in our thirty year marriage. My wife has always had problems with her enjoyment of sex, despite long-term and determined efforts on my part to please her. I have tried music, presents, clothes, gifts, flowers, planning holidays, praise, acceptance, viewing sexy videos together, reading books, […]
How Frequently Do Women Have Sex in Order to Please Men?
That question brought responses from women around the world. Listen to the various ways women view the subject and justify their feelings. “I don’t think anyone should ever have to have sex in order please their partner,” says K.A.P., Amarillo, Texas. “I had sex in order to please my husband most of the time. But […]
Making Love When You Don’t Feel Like It
Dear Neil: Would you write about the dilemma of having sex when you don’t feel like it? I am in a relationship where my boyfriend has a much higher sexual appetite than I do. Since he gets upset and angry if we don’t make love, I find myself giving in and having more sex with […]
Doing Without
Being Chaste and Married is No Fun Dear Neil: My husband and I haven’t had sex for six years now. We have been married for twenty two years, and he began to lose interest in sex two or three years after we got married. I am an attractive women and being rejected sexually has been […]
Turn Ons
When You’re Not in the Mood How do you handle it when you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, and you want sex more frequently than your mate does? Let’s say you’ve tried everything in order to help your mate increase his/her libido: endearments, a lot of nurturing and tender loving care, plenty of affection […]
Wanting More
Different Sexual Appetites “I want a good relationship with my wife, but she sexually rejects me so frequently that it stops me from having a good relationship with her,” writes Kenneth S., from Dallas. “So often she’s tired, not in the mood, has a headache, or is otherwise unavailable for sex. I want sex two […]
Differing Drives Can Cause Problems
Two letters illustrate the dilemma: “I”m 43-years-old and married to the same good man for twenty three years,” writes a woman from Staten Island, New York. “My husband sees sex as a nightly habit necessary to a good night’s sleep. It is rare for him to get into bed and just want to go to […]