“What would you recommend I do about a girlfriend I live with who has stopped contributing to our relationship, and is no longer making any effort?” writes Paul P. from San Francisco. “Although she seems to be functioning normally at work and socially, the past two years she has progressively quit pulling her share of […]
Better Than Nothing Relationships
Dear Neil: Since my divorce three years ago, I have been involved in several relationships that have never gotten off the ground. One of these relationships was with a women I didn’t find very attractive, and I never developed much interest in being with her. We broke up after four months, and I never really […]
Overfunctioning/Underfunctioning Relationships
Are you a well functioning and responsible person living with someone who is barely functional and irresponsible? Are you someone who does too much, married to someone who does too little? If so, you may be in an “overfunctioning/underfunctioning” relationship. Roberta Gilbert, in the book Extraordinary Relationships defines a person as overfunctioning when they’re doing things […]
Back and Forth Relationships
The Leave/Come Back/Leave Relationship Last year things began to change drastically in my three-and-a-half-year relationship. We had made plans to get married when suddenly he stopped treating me with the respect he always had, he was angry, blamed me for things, told me he needed time to himself to sort things out, rented a place […]
Turn Ons
When You’re Not in the Mood How do you handle it when you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, and you want sex more frequently than your mate does? Let’s say you’ve tried everything in order to help your mate increase his/her libido: endearments, a lot of nurturing and tender loving care, plenty of affection […]
Wanting More
Different Sexual Appetites “I want a good relationship with my wife, but she sexually rejects me so frequently that it stops me from having a good relationship with her,” writes Kenneth S., from Dallas. “So often she’s tired, not in the mood, has a headache, or is otherwise unavailable for sex. I want sex two […]
Differing Drives Can Cause Problems
Two letters illustrate the dilemma: “I”m 43-years-old and married to the same good man for twenty three years,” writes a woman from Staten Island, New York. “My husband sees sex as a nightly habit necessary to a good night’s sleep. It is rare for him to get into bed and just want to go to […]
Heavy Set Woman Wonders How to Find a Mate
Dear Neil: What in the world do available men have against suitable, nice, full figured women? Several months ago, in a large northeastern city, I placed an ad in the personals of a popular newspaper that has a large circulation among professional men. I described myself perfectly—I included the adjectives pretty, charming, bright, vivacious, and […]
Quiz: Talking to Each Other
Couples Communication These are more couple communication exercises taken from Bonnie Sose’s book Talk to Me. To get the most out this exercise, allow each person to answer the same question before you go on to the next question. How is your mate unique? What needs of yours does your mate fulfill? Can you remember a […]
Quiz: Communicating
Talking to Each Other So frequently do marriage therapists—including myself—hear couples complain that they don’t communicate well, that I thought I would offer an exercise for those couples who would like to improve the quality of communication in their relationship. These questions are taken from Bonnie Sose’s book “Talk to Me“. Name seven specific things […]