Note: This is the second of a three-part series. Click here for part one (the quiz) Do you have a fear of commitment? Are you involved with someone who does? The following is a breakdown of the different issues that lead people to fear commitment in their romantic relationships: The quest for perfection. Worrying about […]
Dear Neil: I recently broke up with my boyfriend of two months, and I’m having a very hard time moving on. About a month into our relationship, while he was drunk, he told me that he was paranoid about getting close to me because he was afraid I would break up with him. During our […]
Dear Neil: I was very interested to read your column about the rage-shame connection. My husband suffers from this to a degree that it affects every day of his life. How do you heal shame? Trying to Overcome Wellington, New Zealand Dear Trying to Overcome: The rejection of self is central to feeling toxic shame. […]
Dear Neil: You’ve recently written about shame. Can you address why some of us feel an inner sense of shame no matter what we say or do? I’m not talking about feeling ashamed when I do something I know to be wrong. That’s having a conscience. I’m talking about feeling unworthy, inadequate, unlovable or not […]
Dear Neil: Thanks for your recent column on anger. What’s been fascinating for me is to realize how ill-equipped I am to having any reaction other than anger or feeling like a doormat. Learning to rein in anger is freeing, but if people who have relied on anger for power don’t have any other readily […]
The following exercise can help you identify when you get angry in your intimate relationship, and can you look beyond your anger and locate the true issues and emotions that cause your anger. Check every statement that describes you at least some of the time in your intimate relationship. I feel anger when… ___ My […]
Dear Neil: I seem to get defensive a lot—whenever someone at work criticizes me or suggests how I could have done better, whenever my husband makes a request of me that implies that I’m not doing a good enough job as a wife, whenever my daughter says something that hurts me. Then I get angry, […]
Are you a mensch? A mensch is a person of integrity and honor. A good person. Honorable. Trustworthy. Reliable. Someone who does the right thing the vast majority of the time. Someone whose word you can hang your hat on. Kind. Compassionate. Gentlemanly or gentlewomanly. Someone who treats people right. So, are you a mensch? […]
When was the last time you felt smitten? People who are smitten live in a different world than everyone else. The normal world includes highs and lows, work, fun, joy, chores, bills, worries—in fact, all the pleasures, pains and responsibilities of real life. Not so when you’re smitten. These words come to mind in describing […]
Imagine that your life is a bus heading down the streets of your hometown. All your feelings are sitting on the seats—sadness, love, fear, happiness, anger, loneliness, etc.—chatting with each other. All of them are equal in power than the others. And you’re driving the bus. You’re in control of your life. Then suddenly there’s […]