NOTE: THIS IS THE FIRST OF A TWO-PART SERIES Dear Neil: Can you help me with why I lose my temper and fly into a fit of rage whenever I am disappointed or hurt? I don’t like this aspect of myself, and would like to change it. What happens to me? How can I learn […]
Should a Working Woman Also be Responsible for the Domestic Chores?
Dear Neil: I would like to see you address the issue of sharing household responsibilities in two-earner households. My husband and I have been married for 16 years. Except for a couple of years I took off when our kids were born, we have both worked full time. In all that time, my husband has […]
Improving Self-Esteem Requires Your On-Going Effort
Dear Neil: I have had low self-esteem all my life, and have frequently heard people tell me that I should improve my self-esteem. How do I improve my self-esteem? Unsure in Boulder, Colorado Dear Unsure: Try writing down your answers to the following questions taken from Nathaniel Brandon. Create multiple answers for each question for […]
Controlling Judgement of Yourself—and Others
NOTE: THIS IS THE SECOND OF A TWO-PART SERIES Let’s say your father is a judgmental man who is constantly commenting on the shortcomings of others. You are likely to develop a strong Inner Critic who picks up your father’s judgments and uses them against you. Underneath it all, your Critic is hoping to make […]
Do You Know Your Inner Critic?
NOTE: THIS IS FIRST OF A TWO-PART SERIES Do you know your Inner Critic? The Inner Critic develops in our youth to protect us from being shamed or hurt. It is extremely anxious, and almost desperate for us to succeed in the world and be accepted by others. So the Inner Critic sees, hears and […]
Looking To Remarry? Learn This First
Are considering remarriage? If you wish to avoid being among the 60% of people whose second marriage fails, learn these lessons. Marriage, being a relationship consisting of two people, allows us to virtually always fault the other person when problems arise. So if we have trouble getting along or we disagree on things, I can […]
What to Do if You Are Sexually Harassed
NOTE: THIS IS THE SECOND OF A TWO-PART SERIES A female bank employee is invited out to dinner by her supervisor. She is a former bank teller who has worked her way up to a position as assistant bank manager. She has resisted her boss’ sexual advances up to now. At dinner he suggests going […]
What is Sexual Harassment?
Dear Neil: Could you help us settle an office argument about what constitutes sexual harassment? We have a large difference of opinion amongst us as to where the line is drawn between flirting and actual harassment. Curious In New York City Dear Curious: Sexual harassment is not really about sex. It is about power gained […]
Relationships Require Reciprocity
Recognize When Someone Is Walled Off to You Dear Neil: I have been involved with my boyfriend for three months now and our relationship has gone from bad to worse. The only great day we’ve had together was our first date. From the day we started going out I’ve tried to get close to him, […]
Overcoming Defensiveness
Note: This is the third of a three-part series. Defensiveness is one of the more destructive ways of handling conflict and anger, and it can lead to endless spirals of negativity. The major problem with being defensive is that it obstructs communication between people. Rather than understanding each other’s perspectives, you spend your discussions defending […]