Note: This is the second of a three-part series. However it is expressed, defensiveness is fundamentally an attempt to protect yourself and ward off a perceived attack. Some people just aren’t aware of how defensive they are in their relationships with others. Here are different ways people react defensively: Denying responsibility. No matter what your […]
Insecure Love
Dear Neil: I am involved with a woman who repeatedly demands that I tell (and show) her that I love her many times a day—day in and day out. She also demands that I tell her how beautiful she looks, gets angry if I decide to spend time with my friends, accuses me of abandoning […]
Rules For Living
Here is a set of rules for living well and having a good life. Violate these rules for living—and your happiness and contentment will dramatically diminish. Regrets don’t come from trying and not succeeding. Not trying your hardest to do something you dream of—is what makes you have regrets. Live in your honor and integrity—or […]
Is It Right For My Wife to Keep Almost All Her Inheritance For Herself?
Dear Neil: I am a 46-year-old married man with a 14-year-old wonderful son. My wife and I have always shared everything. But recently my wife inherited a large sum of both money and property. We discussed our good fortune and decided we would set aside some money for our son’s college, invest in our retirement […]
What You Can Do About Loneliness
Note: this is the second of a two-part series. Everyone has lonely times. The loneliness may last for a few hours, a few days, a few months—or you may feel as if you have always been lonely. Loneliness forever desires contact, and is always defined with feelings of sadness. The following is a collection of […]
Lonliness Can Be Tackled
Note: this is the first of a two-part series. Loneliness is always a unique experience. The word means different things to different people, but for most, a description for loneliness would include words and phrases such as despair, emptiness, incompleteness, devoid of love, not being comfortable with yourself, feeling as if there’s nobody who cares […]
Blue Movies Are More Important Than I Am
Dear Neil: Years ago my husband of thirty-six years was introduced to blue movies. He has not done without them since. We are at the stage where these movies come first, and the intimacy in our relationship has all but gone. Where to from here? Christchurch, New Zealand Dear Christchurch: Perhaps you could open […]
Is a 48 Year Old Never Married Bachelor a Wise Choice for Me?
Dear Neil: I’ve had a good relationship for the past year with a 48-year-old man who has never been married. He needs a fair amount of time to himself. I also like time alone, but I find myself wishing we could have a more permanent relationship together. He has never expressed interest in marriage or […]
Increasing Your Effectiveness in an Argument
Note: This is the third of a three-part series. In an intimate relationship, the more hurt or angry you feel, the more likely you are to react to your partner as an enemy instead of as a teammate. The more habitually you talk to each other as if you’re enemies, the more hurtful, defensive, antagonistic […]
Reducing Anger in a Disagreement
Note: This is the second of a three-part series Here are ways to reduce anger and improve your dialoging skills, in order to keep your intimate relationship intimate: Beware of the impulse to strike back. When your partner expresses hurt, frustration or irritation, especially about something you have done, your immediate impulse may be to […]