Life-giving actions and efforts provide meaning to our lives. They further our long-term goals and/or relationships, they feel energizing and exciting, they’re regenerative or they’re simply fun to engage in. There’s several types of life-giving activities. First, there’s the literal: giving birth or saving someone’s life. Second, there’s the figurative: extremely engaged, helpful or generous […]
Dear Neil: The lady I am in a 7-year relationship with goes from a confident, opinionated, intelligent woman to an awkward, goofy, childlike girl once we’re about to have sex. She uses silly voices, won’t initiate sex or even offer sexual hints or innuendoes. But when sex actually begins, she becomes normal again, stops all […]
I’m sitting here on Labor Day thinking about the topic for next week’s column. A phone call from my wife temporarily requires my attention, but then I get back to my computer. A news flash from CNN pops up about the fire in LA, so I check it out (I have family in LA). Then […]
Answer the following questions True (T) or False (F): When we argue or fight, I don’t just talk, I also listen to my partner’s side of the story (T/F) When we argue, I will stay on the subject and I don’t tend to bring other issues up (T/F) In a fight or disagreement, I tend […]
Let’s say you were interested in deepening the closeness in your relationship. How would you go about doing that? It’s a good bet that whatever you did would involve 1) talking about personal feelings, dreams, fears, concerns and emotions, and 2) being more affectionate. Here is an exercise in creating or deepening the connection with […]
Let’s say a friend or family member owes you money, and has not paid it back. He appears to be avoiding get-togethers with you, and does not respond to your phone calls, texts or emails. When you finally catch up with him, he tells you he has lost his job and cannot pay next month’s […]
One obstacle to a great relationship with ourselves is that we tend to not dig deeply into our own hearts, our minds and our emotions, so that we are often left not knowing our inner selves very well. Periodically I attempt to offer a list of questions designed to help you gain awareness of your […]
Imagine that you have just been diagnosed with cancer, and that your prognosis is uncertain. Now picture sharing this information with a handful of close and trusted people, and telling them you are scared. Which one of the comments below would feel comforting to hear? “You can beat this, I know you can.” “Do you […]
Dear Neil: I have recently realized that after a number of failed relationships with men that I have what’s called “avoidant attachment style.” It’s been a year since I was seeing a lovely and kind man. We had mutual attraction and good chemistry. However, as we got closer, I would feel overwhelmed and smothered, with […]
Of the many lessons life teaches, here are the ones I am most sure of: If you don’t try and try again, you are way less likely to succeed. Perseverance has everything to do with success. You will be far more likely to succeed if you don’t give up. If you give up, don’t try or […]