Do you have an attitude? Do you go about your day sour, out of sorts, angry or irritated a fair amount of the time? Are you sharp, cutting or sarcastic? Burned out, tired or quick to the trigger a lot? Willing to believe the worst about others? Mistrusting or cynical? Are you often resentful, argumentative, […]
Inability to Trust Leads to Failed Relationships
Note: this is the second of a two-part series. If you grew up in an environment where you were made to feel inadequate, insecure and afraid to trust, you likely have a difficult time in adulthood with your ability to love and to be loved. You will, more than likely, develop a fear of being […]
“I’m Very Independent” Often Relates to Low Trust
Note: this is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: What does it mean when my girlfriend says she is very independent, fears being controlled and doesn’t trust easily? Isn’t the idea of being in an adult relationship for both people to trust, rely on and depend on each other? Feeling Pushed Away in Westminster, Colorado […]
How Can I Recapture a Woman After I Jilted Her?
Dear Neil: I have recently ended an 11 month relationship. I thought I didn’t love her, yet now I have the overwhelming urge to have her back in my life. I realize that I was blocking out love, and that I had never tried to open my heart to her. She took the breakup quite […]
Making it Safe to be in a Relationship With You
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Think about the many moments in a relationship when your partner lets down his or her guard and exposes a soft spot. Perhaps it is when he is scrutinizing his bald spot in the mirror and looking forlorn. Perhaps it is when she has removed her […]
Confronting Our Biggest Challenges Head-On
For so many of us, Thanksgiving has become a day of food, drink and family. We are barely aware of the deeper meaning of the event, its larger significance getting buried beneath football games, copious amounts of food and the beginning of Christmas season. As Adam Cohen in the New York Times reminds us, Thanksgiving […]
Misuse of Power Threatens Marriage
Dear Neil: My wife of ten years makes twice as much money as I do. As a result, she has taken it upon herself to make all the important decisions concerning how the house will be furnished, decorated and landscaped without me, even though she knows I am want my taste and style to count […]
Spiritual Intimacy Requires a Deep Connection
Dear Neil: Would you discuss the question of spiritual intimacy. What is it? How do you attain it? Why don’t more people have it? We are two friends with a bet. One of us says that, although rare, it’s attainable. The other says it doesn’t exist. Your answer will decide who buys dinner. QuestioningLongmont, Colorado […]
Self-Sabotage Undermines Your Belief in Yourself
Dear Neil: I have a pattern of choosing men who are unavailable, already in a relationship, married to their jobs or just out for a good time. The ones that are available, who treat me well, who offer me hope—I find inadequate, and I eventually dump them. Why am I doing this? I would like […]
Women’s Loss of Libido May Have a Cure
Dear Neil: My wife and I have been married for almost 30 years. (We are in our mid-fifties). For the last two or three years, I have noticed that she has gradually lost interest in sexual intimacy. I’m attracted to her and would love to see her back to her good old days, where as […]