Dear Neil: I have asked my fiancé to be more supportive of me. I have recently lost my job, and I haven’t found another one as of yet. Because of that my credit card debt has risen dramatically, and we have put off our wedding/honeymoon plans indefinitely. She has recently asked me what she could […]
In my 28 year practice as a marriage and family therapist, perhaps the most unexpected discovery I’ve made is related to how hard it is for full fledged adults to create and maintain a healthy, positive intimate relationship over time. I have always thought that if you were a single adult over 40 and looking […]
Imagine the following: You are running late to meet a friend for lunch. Because you are in a hurry, you find yourself speeding down an icy road. A police car spots you, pulls you over and tickets you for speeding. You curse your bad luck. When the police officer finally lets you go, you pass […]
Dear Neil: My husband and I have been together for 19 years. The last ten have been horrible. I was sad, dysfunctional and felt lost, unloved and unworthy. Now my husband has had enough, has lost his passion for me, met someone else (three weeks ago) and is instigating separation proceedings. I have done some […]
Dear Neil: Could you talk about the struggles of being in a long-distance relationship? My boyfriend is in the Army and we’ve been braving the distance for over a year, but military relationships are difficult, and we have pitfalls. I have struggled with having such little control over our relationship due to the Army’s agenda […]
The following is a continuation of the reasons (or excuses) people often give when breaking up, and explanation of what those reasons mean—and what, if anything, you can do about it. What Is Said: “You’re not the person I married.” What It Really Means: It’s probably true. None of us stay the same over time: […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one If you are a “doormat,” you take care of other people, and you have a hard time taking care of yourself—and allowing yourself to be taken care of. Doormats usually need to be perfect, telling themselves things like “I always need […]
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Are you a doormat? Do you see yourself as having little or no personal power with other people? Do you seek validation from others because you lack confidence in your own abilities and because you have poor self-esteem? Do you feel […]
Dear Neil: What does it mean when a man calls me “needy?” I am in my 40’s and have been in several relationships through the years where the men in my life have accused me of being too needy. But I am confused about what “too needy” means. Am I not supposed to lean on […]
Do you think you are a supportive spouse or intimate partner? Would your significant other agree with your answer? Or maybe you want more support from your partner? Of course, both answers could be true. But what exactly does it mean when you say that you want your partner do be more supportive? Supportive of […]