Dear Neil: I really hurt my boyfriend of three years by being mean to him, treating him poorly, acting like I didn’t need or love him and generally not being responsive to what he said he wanted.I did this because he was so lacking in romance, and because I wanted to be taken care of […]
Depression Effects Marriage
Dear Neil: My relationship with my husband has recently gone downhill. I have been depressed for a long time, and just haven’t had the energy to give to him; I haven’t been attentive, sexual, enthusiastic, happy or fun. I would like our relationship to improve, but I don’t know what to do. Can you help? […]
How to Let Go of a Relationship
Dear Neil: My boyfriend of six and a half years broke up with me and married another woman. Before they married, she decided she didn’t want to work, so he supported her, bought her a car, etc. Do you think he forgot me that quickly after all the years we were together? Was he on […]
What Are Your Expectations?
Happiness has been described as the difference between your expectations and what you get. The following is an exercise to explore your expectations of your relationship. Consider each question in light of what you want for the future. What are your expectations regarding: Sexual fidelity Do you expect to love each other always? Do you […]
Quiz: Are You Walled Off?
Do you have a guarded heart? Do you have a wall around your heart that prohibits genuine intimacy, even with the people you love and feel closest to? Take this quiz to find out: Do you get angry a lot with your mate, even over small things? Do you tend to be mistrusting, only to […]
Abused Woman Needs to Leave Her Husband and Get Help
Dear Neil: I have had a hard time the last two years with anxiety. I lost my position at work because of my anxiety. I’m crying and yelling a lot, and I really get upset. When I get upset, my husband spanks me and sometimes throws me around. He says this is the only way […]
Setting Healthier Boundaries
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Our ability to protect ourselves is related to the strength of our boundaries. If we haven’t developed clear emotional boundaries, we are vulnerable to physical or emotional violation. Healthy, intact, clear boundaries feel good, and are flexible enough that we can choose what to let in […]
Healthy Boundaries Communicates Your Limits to Others
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: Why do I always seem to choose distant and withdrawn men who cheat on me? This is my third straight relationship where chronic infidelity and too much distance have ruined things. Am I doing something wrong? Confused and Angry, New York City Dear Confused […]
Handling Angry Conflict Better in Your Relationship
Note: This is the second of a two-part series Many couples get stuck in patterns of unproductive fighting, complaining and blaming each other. If you are wanting to solve fights and conflicts from ruining the intimacy in your relationship, try the following suggestions: Become a student of your own anger by logging the events that […]
Being More Effective With Your Anger
Note: This is the first of a two-part series Dear Neil: I am 26 and have been engaged for just over a year. For the past five months, I have asked my fiancé to do some housework. After asking three or four times, I get extremely upset, start yelling and we end up fighting. How […]