With couples who enter marriage therapy complaining of communication problems, I sometimes offer them communication skill-building exercises as a way for them to talk more openly with each other. One such exercise follows, courtesy of Jennifer Louden in The Couples Comfort Book (HarperCollins, San Francisco): When I think of nurturing the relationship, I think of… When […]
18 Ways to Have a Great New Year
The following are rules to live by if you desire a happy, more fulfilled life. Honor these suggestions and your New Year will be a lot happier and more satisfying: Any love, when it is ignored, not given a high enough priority or when it is treated poorly—deteriorates. Be an active participant in your intimate […]
More Steps to Forgiveness
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Here are more suggestions for letting go of your hurts and resents in order to forgive: Look at the person who offended you apart from the offense, weighing the good against the bad. When somebody hurts you, it’s normal to have negative feelings about that person. […]
How to Forgive Husband’s Betrayal
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: My husband slept with one of our business customers 18 months ago. I found out, and my life just hasn’t been the same since. I have tried to put it behind me, but I just can’t get the betrayal out of my head. To […]
Entitlement
Dear Neil: My boyfriend can never be wrong, and nothing the least bit critical can be said to him without him getting angry, defensive, withdrawn and self-righteous. I’m not talking about me being hard, mean or super critical of him. I’m talking about day to day irritations, or requests about words or behaviors that concern […]
Regaining a Relationship with Your Grown Children
Dear Neil: I have completely lost contact with my grown children (ages 30 to 18). Their mother and I had a nasty, acrimonious divorce, and she practiced child alienation, bad-mouthing and condemning me a great deal to them. I feel rejected by them because it feels as if they have taken their mother’s side and […]
In-Law Problems?
Dear Neil: Recently you wrote about in-law problems. My in-laws are extremely difficult to be around, and they’re around us a lot. Can you write more about this subject? Pulling My Hair Out in Canada Dear Pulling My Hair Out: There’s no question that in-laws can break up a relationship . Toxic in-laws fall into […]
Don’t Give Yourself Future Regrets
Regrets fall into two categories: 1.) Missed or mishandled opportunities and 2.), those things we try our hardest to achieve but that we fail at. Of the two choices, take permission to pat yourself on the back for the effort you put into the second one, because although you may have failed, you tried your […]
Changing Feelings of Inadequecy and Shame
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Feelings of shame and personal inadequacy can be transformed into feelings of self-love and self-caring. The negative feelings can end. Here’s how, according to Pat and Ron Potter-Efron in the book The Secret Message of Shame (New Harbinger): Ask yourself the following questions: When do I feel […]
Do You Feel a Lot of Shame?
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: I have been full of shame and fear all of my life. I recently met a guy who uses alcohol to cover up his emotions, which I guess to also be shame and fear. We’re both in our fifties. Is he a good risk […]